My Camino

Familiarity

2012-02-06T08:27:00.000-08:00

Life should not be about sending out an email at midnight and then sitting at your table, essentially clicking the refresh button and seeing if your boss responds immediately.

Sometimes it just is though and tonight, is just one such example.

I have been feeling somewhat lost since joining the Firm half a year back. Being placed on brand new transactions types is certainly good for career building but not when you are trying to show the bosses why they hire you in the first place.

Then out of nowhere, an IPO file falls on my lap and I am savouring every moment of it. Honestly matters little that I am back over the weekend or that I am working late. What matters is that I am in The Zone. I may not know the entire SFA, 5th Schedule SFR, Listing Manual etc but I am no longer groping in the dark, going around begging for precedents I never even knew existed. I am doing what I did at the Old Firm and the sense of familiarity is oddly, a breath of fresh air.

Okay, boss has responded with a single word. "Thx". Abbreviated even. I don't know if it means my advice is up to mark but it does mean I am done for tonight. Shower. Sleep.

A change of perspective

2012-01-19T08:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, a difficult task came before me at work. The task itself wasn't too difficult but it required me to conduct the conversation entirely in mandarin and that scared the hell out of me. Turning to my boss, I expressed my lack of confidence in completing the work. He looked a little shock, recovered and then said if I need help, I can rope in one of my colleagues.

Heading home, I thought about that little exchange I had with my boss. What happened to that driven guy who showed up at the interview, proclaiming he could do this and that and how hard he would work if given the chance. I honestly felt a little ashamed with myself. Why couldn't I see this as an opportunity to shine instead of running away scared.

Like what Fabregas' agent told him when he first went for trials at Arsenal, "Keep asking for the ball".

This morning, I went back into the office with some renewed vigour and tackled the task head on. It wasn't easy. I stammered a lot and at some stage, the person on the other end of the conversation had to ask me to slow down as he couldn't quite catch what I was saying. In the end, I thought I did alright. I wasn't brilliant, conversant, eloquent etc but I did alright and apart from having to let my boss review the work tomorrow, I reckon the task is pretty much completed.

In fact, I now kinda wish I get more of these opportunities to practice my business mandarin and gain a little more confidence. Hmm.. I might just do a blog post in mandarin one of these days just for the heck of it. Gonna keep asking for the ball!

2012-01-13T11:29:00.000-08:00

3.24am. The guys left about 1 1/2 hours ago after an Xbox session involving Fifa12 and some Kinect. Embracing our boyish nerdishness, this honestly wasn't too bad a way to spend a Friday night. Laughing, having fun, etc.. Probably would have been better if I had my own place and wasn't constantly worried about waking up my mum or having the downstairs neighbours make a complain about the constant stomping.

Last night's blog post was a tad bit addictive. I realised I made only 4 posts in 2011. Blogging's always easier when you're single or having exams, the combination of which resulted in 39 blog post in 2010!

So this is my first confirmed resolution for 2012. To blog more. Well, by Father Bosco definition at New Year's Eve mass, "to blog more" would only count as an aim. A resolution requires much more. So okay, to match the same number of post as 2010. The magic number being 39 (+ 1).

Let's see if this materialises...

*proceeds to disappear for 3 weeks*

Talk about the future...

2012-01-12T09:12:00.000-08:00

It's a funny feeling quoting a Katy Perry song but this Boyce Avenue cover is really good. As is many of their covers.

Stripping away all the pop-bubblegum stuff allows others to truly listen to the lyrics. I chuckled to myself at work today when I heard the words

"Talk about the future, like we had a clue..."

How true. I don't mean this in a bitter sorta way but I think back to my past relationships, particularly with CL and CP and the conversations we had and like silly teens in love, we talk like whatever we had was going to last forever.

I suppose if I took a step back now, even with V and I, we too are guilty about talking about our future as if we had a clue. Buying this or that property, finding this or that job, 10 year career projections.

Who knows what God has planned for us eh?

Sporadic things and Melou's anniversary

2011-09-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

I forgot how my colleagues and I came to the topic today but I mentioned that I have been having trouble sleeping. One of the SAs came back to his desk at that point in time and was also asked if this insomnia issue affects him too. Surprisingly, he said yes and that 1am to 3am are timings during which he is most awake. I am not that bad but I can see where he's coming from. Maybe it's a lawyer thing. A 1,001 things running through our heads, constantly worrying that we might have missed out on one detail or the other.

So I am turning back to this blog for some solace. An attempt to wind down at the end of the day. To stare at the computer one more time after a long day of staring at the comp. Hair of the dog style if you will.

Did a 6.5km run today. Saw myself in the mirror at the gym yesterday and can't believe that huge spare tyre around me. Have to work it off by hook or by crook and hopefully, though not realistically, in time for V and I's Phuket trip in October. In any case, I'm gonna be turning 30 next year and I like to do so feeling fit and strong.

In other news, it was Melou's death anniversary a couple of days back. Can't believe it's been a year already and yet that very day still haunts me. Lately, V has taken to using the electro-magnetic machine thing and only in the shower earlier, I realised that a wave of uneasiness washes over me whenever I see or hear about that machine. I realise it's coz it was around the time when Melou had that fall and could not walk, her last few days.. She would cry and cry non stop but whenever we switch on the machine and place her on it, she calms down and falls into a gentle rest.

I completely forgive my mum from dropping her but I still cannot believe she was taken away from me in that manner. My companion, my best friend of 14 years, taken away from me and I miss her so much. I miss her running to me and lying on my lap each time I lie down and how she uses her nose to nudge and lift my hand so that I will pat and scratch her. Melou, you're the most loving dog any one could ever ask for and I hope you're happy in doggy heaven. I love you.

Sigh.. okay, that wasn't as "winding down" as I hope it would be but it was therapeutic to let the tears flow once more. There's very little left that I want to say so I shall end off here, abrupt as it may be.

Quarter-life crisis

2011-06-27T17:35:00.000-07:00

When I was wee small, taking medicine was a complete chore (for my mum at least). It involved wrestling me down to the floor, using her legs to pin my chest down and then forcing that horrible syrup into my mouth.

Then the doctors deemed me old enough for pills and boy were they a wonder. I pop one after the other and marvelled at how easy the process was and why hadn't this miracle happen sooner in my life. Non-drowsy? Heh.. No way! *pop pop* To be taken on a full stomach? Who cares?! *pop pop*

Now at the ripe old age of 29, that same fearlessness has once again left me? To be take on a full stomach? Was that half sandwich I ate for breakfast filling enough? Am I on a full stomach? How do you really define "full"?

Dammit, I've become a pussy once more.

Julien Cottereau's Imagine-Toi

2011-05-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

Every new year, caught up in the hype of a brand new year ahead, I fall into the trap of making resolutions. Often, a list of about 2-3 resolutions come to mind and by February, perhaps only 1 remains. I can't recall how many resolutions I made for 2011 but one of them involved watching more theatre/arts performances. I even set a number to it. 15 or something but honestly, I cannot remember any more.

Since I am serving my notice period now and have some time on my hands (plus the new job next month promises little sleep and plenty of hours in the office), I have been trying to clock in a few more performances so as to fulfil this resolution.

Last night, V and I attended Julien Cottereau's Imagine-Toi. The mailer came in from Esplanade and when V returned from Korea, I proudly announced to her that I secured tickets for us to catch a "magic show". Turns out I hadn't read the mailer properly, it wasn't a magic show but more of a clown/mime show. It being more mime than clown.

Thinking it was a magic show, we were a little apprehensive that we would be surrounded by a bunch of screaming kids and would end up feeling terribly out of place. We could not be more wrong. There was however one kid sitting 2 seats away from me who was laughing at everything Julien was doing. He had this carefree loud laughter that made me find the opening sequence funnier than it really was.

Beyond that, Julien completely took control, having us in peels of laughter. The parts requiring volunteers from the audience really got everyone going and for the life of me, I can't remember when was the last time I caught a performance which ended with a full standing ovation. Really, in conservative shy Singapore, rarely do you see every single person in the audience get up on their feet and give the performer his due. Julien made everyone reduce their clapping to a finger tapping rhythm instead and with the tapping sounding like rain drops, he broke into a Gene Kelly impersonation of "Singing in the rain" and promptly made his exit.

I really enjoyed the performance and it was the perfect weekend recharge needed before going back to work on Monday.

To Julien, chapeau bas!

Ray - Who would have thought?

2011-03-06T17:59:00.000-08:00

So its been awhile since I wrote. Post-exams, it's just been a whirwind of activities. Australia for the U2 concert, the holidays, back to work, getting called to the Bar etc etc. There just isn't a great motivation to blog when you're no longer stuck in the library with the choice of either blogging or studying. But there's a lot to chronicle and perhaps I'll find some time to do that one of these days. I'm also toying with the idea of blogging in the morning before starting work. It always impresses me how ZY can blog and then start on her studying and not be distracted for the next couple of hours. It seems like one of those things that's effective in getting all the other rubbish in your head out and letting you focus on the work at hand.

In any case, there's really only one thing I want to chronicle today so here goes.

Last night, we went to C's place to catch the Liverpool ManU game. Told V that I want to get there a little earlier to spend time with my Godson before his bedtime.

We reached around 9 and so gave me about half an hour to play with the boy. He came running over and when I asked for a hug first, gave me the most loving of hugs. Then he proceeded to pick his football out of his basket and started ordering V and I around, making sure we stand at specific spots so as to facilitate better kicking around. (Using a lot of baby jabber and pointing, of course)Terribly bossy! V took the chance to show him who's boss too by making him stand further back and it was funny seeing how solemn he was as he dutifully took up his assigned position.

I can't recall what it was but C distracted me at one stage as I was part kicking the ball with the Godson whilst talking to his dad when all of a sudden, V said "Did you hear that?!". When I said I didn't, V turns to the Godson and says "R, say it again?" and then I heard the most magical tone in the world...

"Ball!" - His first word!!

Of course that's not the first word he's ever uttered and according to the parents, he can say "Iphone" which really is such a terrible reflection of society today.

But "Ball!" is the first word this Godpa has heard him utter and the voice is remarkably different as compared to the jabber he usually utters. It was a clear, slightly high-pitched voice with the word annunciated perfectly. It was the cutest of things and I can't wait to hear more of it as he learns to say a few more words. (I did try holding my iphone in front of him to make him say "Iphone" but alas, he just tried to grab the phone and refused to say the word..)

It's funny how things pan out. When C first asked me to be Godpa, I said yes with some apprehension. A part of me also saw it more like a duty to God and C than anything else but in the last year, I've really started bonding with the boy and beginning to love him so much. It's scary really. Not to toot my own horn here or anything but it does make me wonder, that if I have that much love and affection for my Godson, I'll be a complete and utter love fool when my own comes along in the future. Very scary indeed.

Exams thus far

2010-11-29T19:24:00.000-08:00

Everytime I read ZY's blog, I'm inclined to blog myself. Part inspiration, part good distraction from studying. For the latter, it really is, it beats facebook, youtube etc which are in some way, endless. You find video after video to watch and next thing you know, an hour has passed and you still have not gotten cracking on the studying.

So exams have been going on for 11/2 weeks now. First week was relatively easy, few questions I know I've done wrongly now but I think overall I can pass and the general disappointment I feel is perhaps more attributed to the fact that I've studied but failed to spot the question/issue when it came about and also the underlying fear that we will be marked very strictly and cannot pass.

Yesterday's conveyancing was the killer though. We were promised ONE question only but that was as we say in law, a prima facie promise. It was one ridiculously long problem question with 20 questions contained within. I really wonder whether whoever set the exams actually sat down and attempted the question themselves. 20 minutes in 2 hours means 6 minutes per question. When question included drafting a novation assignment, you must be out of your mind to think that it can be completed in 2 hours. I think in practice, I take about 2 hours to draft just one novation assignment alone!

All things taken, I'm glad I'm pulling through this exams and with Commercial Practice and Professional Responsibilities left, I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The exams have been rather nerve-wrecking and though I think last year's Part A was worse, this isn't that much better either. I psych myself to say that this is me versus the paper and it is a challenge but truth be told, I whimper out silently if I could. Except that all I've done for the past 7 years culminates in this.. GETTING QUALIFIED and the thought of throwing away 7 years work especially the last 2 years scares the hell out of me.

Exams aside, there's a lot to look forward to after that. First up is the Stanchart Half Marathon. I told Ahmad today that I'm prepared to suffer through Sunday and that's not too far from the truth. I know I'll suffer, I'm not mentally prepared for that. I wish to get a timing of 2 hr 20 minutes (2 hour 15 minutes would be a great big bonus) but I did 12km last week and though I felt good then, my body was aching for the next 2 days. I'll just try to make it through Sunday and live to fight another day, Sundown perhaps.

After that, I got a week to run errands, spend time with Vivien (Ikea trip and movies), play with my new camera, etc. Also, within that week will be Leaders' Prep and AGM where I'll after 14 years, officially dis-associate myself with CYF. It will be sad but I know my time is up and that alone deserves a blog post of its own, one I'll probably do after AGM. Thereafter, it's my trip to Perth to catch U2! Greatly excited about the concert and the wine tours, not so excited about spending 1 week in a sleeping bag on the floor.

And before I can get to all that, it's the exams first.. back to the books!

Disappointment

2010-11-08T02:44:00.000-08:00

So Vorsprung Durch Tecnik my ass..

As sudden as her last "announcement", Mum suddenly said "Wah, Audi very expensive hor.. Don't want to buy already"

I was majorly pissed off. So pissed off that it easily fueled at 13km run for me that night. Before setting off on the run, I told her that in future, don't tell me about any more of these things until she's actually bought the house/car. Pointless.

So now she's settled on a Volkswagon Passat. I guess that's better than nothing though I'm still terribly sore about the change in plans. I'm not gonna get involved in this whole decision making process, I'm just quietly driving the Nissan now and as and when she changes, then so be it, no point getting my hopes up for nothing.

In other recent disappointing news, Burma (because I refuse to call it Myanmar) has held their sham of an elections. Truly what motivates people to be so evil? To trap an entire country of people from progress just for your own personal power and gain? It's cliche to say the least but there really really really must be a special place in hell for people like that.

And might I add that I'm sick and tired of this diplomacy game. There was a fair bit of pressure on Burma post-2007 but we (and by we, I mean ASEAN) decided to let matters ease because the Junta announced that they'll hold an election. The reports streaming out of Burma on Sunday really just means that we've been hoodwinked into not just giving them more time to adjust their asses in their seats of power, but also has now allowed them to "legitimise" their reign. And really, "hoodwinked" is just being polite to some of the most weak-willed politicians the world has ever seen, including (and I'm sad to say this, Singapore). We've turned a blind eye to the plight of a nation. We see the suffering and pain the people are going through, we see the political prisoners being wrongfully held captive, we see monks being beaten on the streets and we see the rule of law torn to shred and we instead turn our gaze the other way.

I feel upset for the Burmese people and it pains me even more that there's nothing I can do about it. I wish them well.

Vorsprung durch Technik

2010-11-01T00:15:00.000-07:00

Last night, whilst driving my Mum home from Grandma's, she suddenly presented me with 2 options.

Both very good options but it left me severely torn. Not wanting to sound like a spoilt brat, I went for option 1 (though really, option 1 spoils me quite a bit too)

It has left me pondering though whether I made the right choice.

This morning, realisation hits.

Option 1 is her dream. Option 2 is more my dream. Why should I let her spend money on fulfilling my dream? I'm glad I made the right choice, plus in any case, it is not like I'm not going to benefit from her dream.

Vosprung durch Technik..

Birthday Celebrations

2010-10-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

Long overdue so let's do a little write-up about birthday updates. Immensely enjoyed this year's birthday. Often, the control freak in me likes to plan my own parties. Not birthdays but Christmases and such. However where birthdays are concerned, it can sometimes be a little depressing to be planning your own birthday. This year however, I got a little of a best of both worlds situations where friends would let me plan part of it but handle the rest.

F was sweet and msged me about 3 weeks before the bday to ask "Do you have any plans on 10 October?". A series of sms ensued and in the end, we gathered at Jules Cafe and Bar for my birthday celebration. I was rather sick that day and was disappointed that I could not play, what more, go near my Godson but surrounded by friends, I could not ask for anything more.

The Warwick gang also pitched in and we had dinner at Yantra. G and I were initially craving for Nandos having seen it at the entrace to Tanglin Mall but given that R had pulled some strings for this dinner reservation, we kept our hankerings to ourselves and settled down for some Indian food. Food turned out fantastic and honestly, apart from the fact that I would look like a complete pig, I really could never get enough of Indian food. The gang also bought me a lovely pair of Paul Smith cufflinks (R chose it) and I'm looking forward to wearing it when I start work once more. Though I also anticipate a fair amount of metrosexual/gay comments from everyone.

With H's bday near mine and knowing how busy the other two are, H and I took it upon ourselves to choose a location, date and time for our bday dinners. My suggestion of going to Disgruntled Chef was taken up and we pigged ourselves out over some pretty good food. Not fantastic, but not bad. What was even better though was opening that bottle of Zinfandel from Rubicon Estate, Napa Valley that I bought 3 years ago. I remember it to be a rather light wine but the wine had truly aged well and was a splendour of flavours in my mouth and more than anything, I was glad I had the right company to appreciate the wine with. H also picked out a beautiful Celine tie for me which with every sight, I'm falling more and more in love with.

If this past year of relationship mishaps and singlehoods have taught me anything, it is that I am truly surrounded by wonderful friends and though most, it not all of you, do not know of this blog, I thank you all deeply.

In an odd dreamland

2010-10-19T23:00:00.000-07:00

Spent a few minutes talking to V after my lunch. As I stood outside the library whilst on the phone, I turned around a certain former AG came around the corner. I was so stunned to see him so up close and in the flesh that I had difficulty suppressing my reaction of awe till he passed.

I related to V how he collects teddy bears and V remarked that it is rather creepy for a man his age to be collecting teddy bears. I said I thought it was rather cool in an eccentric sort of way and remarked that since all geniuses have some odd trait or behaviour, I should develop one too. At least for future usage.

After a short discussion, because obviously V will not be so kind as to entertain my thoughts for that long, I decided that supporting Arsenal should be my trait. Such that whenever Monday rolls along and if Arsenal had lost over the weekend, my associates will steer clear of bringing me their work and will whisper in hush tones to each other "Watch out.. Arsenal lost this weekend!"

If all else fails, I shall also develop some strange twitch (inspired by the one and only twitch-cher) that I'll suffer from whenever Arsenal loses.

Alright, enough day-dreaming. Back to trying to get qualified in the first place.

Melancholic

2010-10-14T10:02:00.000-07:00

Celebrated my birthday this week. Not surrounded by family but surrounded by many many many friends. There's a time to give thanks for all the love.

But for now, I'm just feeling blue.

I stand by the decisions I've made. They are/were selfish but such is life and such is love.

Inevitably, I've hurt others and not to be presumptuous but will probably continue to do so.

Must happiness always come at the expense of someone else's sorrow?

Must life always be led with the handbrake on?

When the wind is blowing in your face
When the world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

Ahh.. Melancholy, thou art true bitch,

striking you when you least expect it

GOAT for Arsenal?

2010-10-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

Once in a while, I get this question, mostly from fellow Arsenal fans but sometimes from supporters of other clubs.

Who is your favourite Arsenal player of all time?

In some way, I always feel like that's a trick question. It feels like you're supposed to name someone old like Charlie Nicholas or Liam Brady to show that you have been supporting Arsenal for a long time. Or you could name someone real underdog like David Rocastle or Gilberto Silva to show what an appreciation you have for Arsenal players. Or you could name someone timeless and classy to demonstrate your taste for beautiful football like Dennis Bergkamp.

And I really feel hard press to name any one at all and proclaim that player as the best there ever was.

This video though really does show why Henry is one of the best, if not the best.

PMS

2010-10-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

Depressed, upset, moody, emotional and constantly assessing my life.

Ahh.. the birthday must be near..

Of friendships and such..

2010-10-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

7 years into adult life, one of the things I still struggle to deal with is drifting apart or losing friends. I make reference to adult life because it sounds to me like one of those childish and churlish things that one should handle better after the acne-filled years have passed. Alas, I am still plagued by acne and so I shall continue on my teenage rant.

Recently, on the way to supper, G told V that you'll reach a stage in life when you realise you don't have to be friends with everyone, that you just have a niche group of friends and that's good enough. To some extent, I agree, though I think such sentiments should not be taken to the extreme. So though I may agree that we often end up hanging out with a niche group, it still hurts to know that you've lost or drifted apart from someone.

Recently, D got married. Naturally, a lot of people were invited and not surprisingly, I didn't count as one of them. We've certainly drifted apart but the manner in which we did still hurts till today, albeit much less. I'm not bearing a grudge here but I think I'll always remember when D suddenly pretended like we never had this "bro-sis" relationship. V said I should know that D is odd like that and I should let it go and really, I should and yet why can't I?

I've been re-reading Jane Eyre recently, a lit text I used to have to tackle in JC. I'm certainly enjoying this second reading much more and plan to blog about it some other time. But one of the quotes that always struck close to my heart was something Helen Burns told Jane when they were at Lowood.

"Hush, Jane! You think too much of the love of human beings.."

Today, tidying through my mail, I found an email I sent to T when I was in London last year. It was a quick email but basically telling him that I'm in London and that if he's still around, we should meet up since I haven't seen him in 2 years. I had also previously tried to call him (number no longer in use) and messaged him on msn (didn't reply). Alas, I suspect mine is a friendship he has decided to let slip.

We were so close before. So close I at one stage wanted him to be one of my "xiong di"s when I get married some day..

I'll end of this post with another quote from Jane Eyre.

"Would you not be happier if you tried to forget her severity and the passionate emotions it excited? Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs?"

I certainly don't bear animosity or am registering wrongs but perhaps the message that life is too short to worry about such stuff is applicable here.

Another run, another struggle

2010-10-02T20:24:00.000-07:00

Another run yesterday. According to the training programme I've adopted for the Nike 10km run which I'll be doing in 3 weeks time, I had to do 7 miles. Of course stupid me didn't factor in that it was in miles and all I thought was "Well, 7 is less than 10 and if I have done 2 10 km runs this week, 7 should be chill". Then it hit me. Miles. MILES. An online convertor soon made realise that I had to do 11.2 km! "Ridiculous" I thought. Who does 11.2 km to prepare for a 10 km run!! Of course I know it makes perfect sense and alas, what has to be done, has to be done.

Took to the roads after another day in the library. I had skipped lunch and was pretty much fueled up with junk food. Didn't help that the evening sun was still up and it made for hot, humid conditions. I took a loop around the school, being Evans Road, Cluny Road, Holland Road, Farrer Road, Dunearn Road, through botanical gardens, out to Cluny Road again and back down Evans Road and into the school compound. Construction along Farrer Road aside, it was a good run and at the 10km mark, I looked at my watch and lo and behold, the magical sub-hour timing still stood.

58 minutes was the record this time.

The 4 minute mile idea truly works. Once you go under, you'll always go under. Well, maybe a little premature to say but I'm still excited nonetheless.

Told my mum that strangely, my legs have not been aching as badly as I would think they would be after clocking 31.2 km in the last 5 days. Truth is, I woke up this morning and man are my legs soft! And according to the programme, I still have to do a 40 minute easy run today! I suppose it will help in getting the blood circulating and will aid in draining away some of the lactic acid but the thought of another run today.. gosh.. I wish I could say that I'm addicted to running but the truth is, I'm really far from that. I like the fact that I feel fit and am losing weight but if I could sit at home on the sofa and have the same effects happen, I take that any day.

When you drink no noir, you pinot noir.

2010-10-01T20:41:00.000-07:00

Was craving for a good bottle of wine (and company of course. Wine must always be paired with good friends) so I texted R and H and both replied saying they had dinner plans but could possibly do a late drink. Perfect timing for me since it gave me time to study a little longer at the library before heading home to get changed.

We ended up meeting at Wine Company @ Dempsey at 10.30 pm where we bumped into R's friend who works there. She not only recommended us a beautiful 2006 Nevis Bluff Pinot Noir but signed off on our bill as well to offer us a nice 20% discount.

We talked, laughed and between the 3 of us, finished a bottle with a large portion going into satiating my thirst. In retrospect, I should have tempered that drinking since I'm now seated back in the library, nursing a mild hangover whilst attempting to work on my commercial practice essay.

Onwards and forwards I say.

Madone on the Madone

2010-10-01T02:33:00.000-07:00

Col De Madone - 12km ride in the Cote-D'Azur region.

That's and the video above is as much as I can find about this little legend of a ride. Perhaps the bike that's named after it is more legendary, the Trek Madone and someday, I want to ride up the Col De La Madone on a Trek Madone.

That would be another feather in the cap for me, a legendary ride.

Had a look at this guy's blog. Riding through Monaco? Amazing!

One of a Kind, yes you are.

2010-09-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

I almost done feel like writing this letter to you today girl. I'm a little tired of crying and well, writing to you always seems to have this effect on me. But there's just so much to tell you and also, I think this is perhaps a good indicator of how well I'm recovering from losing you. Sometime though, in some masochistic manner, I don't want this pain to go away. I feel like I would have done you a great wrong if I think of you and I don't well up, I don't feel that lump in my throat, I don't feel that hot sting in my eye and I don't feel my heart shatter.

Anyway, Mummy went to the doctor again today for another consultation on her leg. It sounds bad but it's really good news. They found a tumour on her back, it's benign and after her Taiwan holiday, she'll go for her operation on the 24th. This time, all the symptoms match the diagnosis which is really really good. It means the diagnosis is correct or at least comes very close and after the operation, hopefully she'll regain full feel and control of her legs and she'll be out and about once more. I like to believe you're still being the wonderful, loyal servant and watching over her in heaven. Or maybe you're just at God's right hand, using your nose to nudge Him into helping her. Heh, it sounds blasphemous but at this rate, maybe we should start the beautification process for you!

I went running today. Saw a lot of dogs along the way and it naturally, I'm reminded of you. Yet the association with them only comes as far as you're both dogs. Somehow, I never saw another dog and went, "hey, she looks like melou" or "hey, she behaves like melou". The closest was probably that maltese we saw at the vet when we brought you there THAT day yet while Mummy echoed my thoughts and said "look like melou right?", deep in my heart, I thought "No, you're one of a kind." And I'm not just saying that coz I'm madly in love with you, well, love blinds so we don't really know, but you are always one of a kind to me. Your maddeningly cute looks, your warm behaviour, your quiet self.

I'll end here. If you must know, I'm merely tearing and choking up a little whilst writing this. No longer engulfed by my emotions and sobbing uncontrollably. I still miss you though and I hope you're doing well my good friend, take care of yourself and be a little more sociable with the other dogs k, you're always so unwilling to play with them.

"Must be funny.."

2010-09-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

I just settled some credit card bills and it is a sign of the extreme unwillingness to tackle the final question on my assignment that I'm here blogging about finances.

There is a strange satisfaction derived from knowing my finances are in order. Of course when I mean "in order", I take into account that with most things in life, it's all relative. There's still a princely sum owed in my credit card bill but that will only become due next month.

A week ago, ST published this article about how the 20-something in Singapore are the most debt-saddled. Honestly, I hardly find that news-worthy. I remember a couple of years ago when Banker Scarlet told me about how led the poor audit life for a while, spending beyond his means and often paying only the minimum for his credit card bills. At that point in time, I secretly told myself not to go in his direction. Alas, 2 years on, I'm stuck in a similar situation though I comfort myself with the fact that being on PLC now means I'm paid significantly less than even what he got when he was an auditor. Sure sure, some people (and I have V in mind when I say this) will point out to me that it is precisely because I'm not earning so much that I should be spending less.

Alas, I too recognise that I have such a penchance for the finer things in life that I have little financial discipline.

To be fair, it's not like I don't try. Since deciding on that U2-Perth trip, I've tried to take public transport more often and that has been significantly aided with the help of my iphone which gives me such wonderful info on when the next bus is arriving. I've also tried hard to keep with hawker food whenever possible. Also helps that I've lately been more inspired to work out more - a money-free activity.

Truth is, I can't wait to get back to work and start drawing that associate pay. Certainly more than anything else, I'm craving that title and recognition that I've been working and eyeing for the past 3 years but the pay is definitely something I look forward to. I plan to save a sizable portion to but I have quite a number of big ticket items in mind and I also plan to celebrate my call with some people who have journeyed and motivated me through the last 3 years.

Since I'm on this topic of money, it is worthwhile to end off this entry with a quote from J, a good army buddy of mine who now runs in the consultancy-banking industry in London.

"99% of the world's problem can be solved with money. The other 1%.. just requires more money" - JT

Defying Gravity

2010-09-28T01:07:00.000-07:00

Still stuck in the rut of essay writing. I take comfort in the fact that these essays require a more practical approach and not the substantive law type that I used to do in Warwick which requires an analysis of the statutes and a comparison between cases.

In any case, I have a few things I'm looking forward to after the essays are done.

One is that I've arranged to bring my Godson out to Jacob Ballas on the 9th. Was very happy when there was evidently a bond growing between the 2 of us, and honestly, a little bit of a relief too that he is starting to recognise his Godpa but since then, I've not seen him in quite a while already and I thought I better spend a day or two with him to make sure he doesn't forget me. Hehe..

And why do I say that it is a day or two? Well, my kind friends, F in particular, have taken the trouble of organising a little birthday lunch for me the next day and I'm assuming my Godson will make an appearance as well. F messaged me some time back, asking cheekily if I'm free for lunch on 10th. She also asked me to suggest a place and though I had a place in mind, my atas self always does a self-check and so I didn't dare suggest a place, leaving it to them to decide instead. The decision was made and it was supposed to be No Signboard (?!!). Didn't want to do that and since I already got an idea of the budget they had in mind, I suggested Jules Cafe Bar and though I got chided for it, it looks like we're indeed going to Jules! Yay!

In other news, I finally did a 10km run under an hour yesterday! Wasn't too keen on running initially but given the amount of workload over the next few days, I knew I had to grab my chance for a workout whenever possible so quickly slipped on my shoes and headed out of the house. Started the run and surprisingly, despite not having had any dinner, I felt in good form, my legs felt light as air and my pace was pretty decent! I resisted all temptation to look at my watch as I didn't want to spoil this feel-good moment but when I finally did so at where I knew was roughly the 7km mark, I was about 40 seconds off the pace. At that point in time, almost all of me felt like it wasn't going to happen after all, that I'll just do a decent run and some day, that elusive 10km/hr pace might finally come.

I kept going anyway, this time with very little aspirations apart from completing the 10km run. Then when I got to the 8.2km mark, I looked at my watch again and I was about 30 seconds off the pace. I decided it was worth a try, especially if I upped the pace a little. "Defying Gravity" from the Ipod timely kicked in at that stage and I felt myself running freely. A woman at the bus stop, in her eagerness to flag the bus, did not realise I was there and I had to slow down a little and shouted for her to move out of the way but apart from that, I just busted my lungs entirely and at the bus park near my house, I look as my watch switch from 9.99km to 10km and I pressed "stop" immediately. Time: 59min 49 seconds. I did a little punch in the air, fully knowing that some of these truck drivers sometimes spend the night in their truck and some might see my silly antics. I was too happy to care less. 2 years after my first 10km at AHM where I clocked a paltry 1 hr 12 mins, I finally brought it under an hour. Much thanks has to go to ZY, she of course is not privy to this blog but the few runs I've done with her made me realise I could do decently at a higher pace and after a few runs, I manage to find that higher pace at which I'm comfortable with. Looking forward to singing up for a 10km run one of these days, officially clock in that 1 hour timing and have a certificate for keepsake. Happiness defined.

Via de la Plata

2010-09-27T01:30:00.000-07:00

This video was auto-highlighted to me on youtube today.

Via De La Plata - The Silver Way or something to that effect. What I can surmise from the video was basically that this wonderful couple (probably together with some friends) did the full camino together.

I skipped their first 3 videos and watched the last one and true enough, it featured a lot of places I went by. From the bridge at Ourense to that little marker where I finally felt like I was on the right path along the Camino and finally that little stairwell which I hobbled up in order to receive my certificate.

It brought back so much memories and although it has been 3 years and a lot has happened in that 3 years, it certainly didn't feel that way.

Would I ever do the camino again? Would I dare at least try for 200km instead of the 100km the last time? Having done so and knowing the pain it entails, I think I need a little more courage this time to try this all over again and for good measure, a little madness too.

But someday, maybe.. Who knows what the future may bring..

Are shit runs good?

2010-09-24T04:11:00.003-07:00

Just completed another run with ZY.

Our run was abruptly cut short today as she had to meet a friend. Truth be told, thank goodness! Those Pepperidge Farm biscuits that I greedily bought after lunch took its toll right from the start. Didn't help that I wasn't feeling well this morning either. The moment we started running, my breath started getting heavier and heavier. Embarrassed, I tried to control my breathing better but I think that just made it worse as my lungs gasp for oxygen. What also didn't help was that we were running what was a new route to me, running through parts of Botanical Gardens that I've never been before. The small little slopes that peppered the route meant that I could not settle down into a decent rhythm and by the halfway mark, I was really struggling.

15 minutes later, the pain was over. I was a tad bit disappointed as I thought I could perserve on a little more, perhaps blowing my lungs out in the process. So upon returning to the gym, I took to the treadmill and that was certainly much better. Did another 15 minutes on there to eek out a nice 30 minute - 4km run. Cooled down, showered and am now back in the library, legs still burning and knowing full well that I'll pay for it tomorrow.

I'm always slightly at a loss after such runs. Should I be disappointed with myself because the run was just utterly rubbish or should I give myself a pat on the back for powering through nonetheless? That's of course only until the endorphins kick in and now, 4kms later, I'm feeling good and feeling like I've burnt off all those biscuits.

After these series of assignments are over, I'll have to find the time and properly eek out a good 12km run, just to up the mileage a little. Now its back to studying.

Are shit runs good?

2010-09-24T04:10:00.000-07:00

Just completed another run with ZY.

Our run was abruptly cut short today as she had to move a friend. Truth be told, thank goodness! Those Pepperidge Farm biscuits that I greedily bought after lunch took its toll right from the start. Didn't help that I wasn't feeling well this morning either. The moment we started running, my breath started getting heavier and heavier. Embarrassed, I tried to control my breathing better but I think that just made it worse as my lungs gasp for oxygen. What also didn't help was that we were running what was a new route to me, running through parts of Botanical Gardens that I've never been before. The small little slopes that peppered the route meant that I could not settle down into a decent rhythm and by the halfway mark, I was really struggling.

15 minutes later, the pain was over. I was a tad bit disappointed as I thought I could perserve on a little more, perhaps blowing my lungs out in the process. So upon returning to the gym, I took to the treadmill and that was certainly much better. Did another 15 minutes on there to eek out a nice 30 minute - 4km run. Cooled down, showered and am now back in the library, legs still burning and knowing full well that I'll pay for it tomorrow.

I'm always slightly at a loss after such runs. Should I be disappointed with myself because the run was just utterly rubbish or should I give myself a pat on the back for powering through nonetheless? That's of course only until the endorphins kick in and now, 4kms later, I'm feeling good and feeling like I've burnt off all those biscuits.

After these series of assignments are over, I'll have to find the time and properly eek out a good 12km run, just to up the mileage a little. Now its back to studying.

End of the week (somewhat)

2010-09-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

I can't quite say that my week has ended or that I can breath a sigh of relief but given that I handed in 2 assignments today and endured through a Conveyancing tutorial, I think it's fair enough to let loose a little. For that very reason, I was really looking forward to an evening with GH and S. It didn't feel too long ago that we met up with S when she came back from HK but it was nonetheless good to see her again.

Night started off at Altitude and I got all excited when GH msged to say that the view was spectacular as the lights for F1 were on. A little wait at the escalator and when I got up there, the view was truly spectacular.

Image isn't the sharpest but you can imagine how beautiful it was. Hoping that I don't sound too filled with national pride when I say this but F1 really showcases how beautiful Singapore has turned out in the last few years and I'm looking forward to the race this weekend.

We didn't stay too long at Altitude as we were getting hungry and so proceeded on to Cugini for dinner. Never been to Cugini before but I'm starting to really put my faith in GH. When she suggests a place, we can usually count on it.

Alas the night ended early as GH was heading home and S was off clubbing. I'm not complaining though. As much as I wanted to chill out some more, I could feel my body shutting down. Plus my interactions with ZY lately have really started making me think twice about how I treat my body. 8 hours sleep, proper food, etc. It's not really that much of a lifestyle change since I am usually aware of how much I push myself but I guess it wouldn't hurt to instill in myself a little more discipline.

With that in mind, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow, another essay awaits. Please let PLC end soon. I just want to get called!

Little moments.

2010-09-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

Today was filled with such nice little moments and since it's actually quite a terrible week for me in terms of the amount of assignments due, these moments felt like a rare gift which I had to put it all down in the blog.

Wasn't in the best of moods this morning. Went to sleep thinking of Melou and was also upset with V.. Well to clarify things, I saw on FB that she had booked her tickets to Nepal. It isn't one of the places that feature high on my "Place To Visit" list but when a friend asked her where she was going, she said something like "To watch the sun rise over the Himalayas". Somehow, I felt upset seeing that message, I can't tell if I'm upset with her or just upset with myself but it felt like one of those things that we should be experiencing together as a couple and not having her travel there by herself to experience on her own.

I know, I know, it sounds terribly childish and immature of me but I'm upset nonetheless and if that speaks volumes about my maturity then so be it.

So in any case, I made my way down to Black which of course never fails to cheer me up a little, sipping on that nice latte (opted for an iced one since it was searingly hot today) and in that 3 hours I was there, I actually managed to get quite a bit of work done. I took a solo lunch at Earshot Cafe to do a bit of carbo-loading for the evening run and then proceeded to lecture. After the lecture, C and well, C, wanted to discuss one of the assignments. It took me completely by surprise and I was not prepared at all, but being the nice friends they were, they were happy for me to leach off them though I did manage a couple of contributions here and there. I felt more at ease after the discussion, the assignment now definitely looking a lot easier.

Went for a run with ZY after tutorial. Excellent run. We did 9.2km in 55 minutes and it was not only till we were warming down later did I realise that if I could do 9.2 km in 55 minutes, then my long targetted 10km under an hour was definitely possible with just a little more training. Was truly happy about it though I must have looked a little silly grinning at that prospect in front of ZY who does 10 km in 40 minutes. ("45 minutes now" she corrected me, as if that makes a big deal of a difference)

We ran past a number of tourists today and I can't help but think of the times when I was in Vancouver or San Fran and I saw these joggers and thought to myself "I move here just to get this weather and this view to do my runs in". I wonder if the tourists thought the same today. It's not quite Vancouver or San Fran but some of the places we ran by today was just absolutely beautiful and as nationalistic as this sounds, I have to say we're doing a real fine job in beautifying the city.

Along the run, I also bumped into J whom I just had the pleasure of catching up with at AF's wedding last saturday. Yelled out to him but he had his earphones on. I texted him later and he said that was his regular route too and will look out for me the next time. I really enjoyed catching up with everyone at AF's wedding and that just needs another separate blog entry on its own. More on that another time.

Also got a msg from GH. I only saw it after my run but it read "So your ankle okay already ah?" "Idiot!" I exclaimed out loud, shocking ZY a little. I had taken a cursory look at Overeasy as I ran by to see if I could spot GH but a lack of effort plus an immense amount of concentration on keeping up with ZY must have made me miss her. Funny message to come back too though!

On MRT home, I got a message from S who just got back from Hawaii with her boyfriend and proclaimed to us all that the boyfriend proposed and she said yes. Happy for her. Long distances are never easy but it's always wonderful when one works out. I texted back saying "Happy for you but starting to think C and I hang out with the wrong bunch of girls. In the past year, all of you either got engaged or pregnant!" Haha..

I feel compelled to find the moral of the story after that telling these series of moments so here goes.. (1) Life can still be beautiful no matter how stressed out we are and (2) I am surrounded by wonderful friends and with that, adieu.

The Wicker Basket..

2010-09-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

Tonight when I came home, I allowed myself to imagine for a moment.

I closed my eyes and listened hard for that slight stirring in that wicker basket. I never knew whether you smelled that I was home or that the light streaming in from the door cast a little shadow onto your basket. But often, you would stir from your sleep and cock your head up to look at me.

On days when I'm tired, I just walk past you and go get my towel to go shower. Sometimes on the way to the bathroom, guilt strikes me and I kneel down to play with you for awhile. Sometimes when the mood hits me, I immediately pick you up from the basket to shower you with love or at least give you a light pat because I didn't want to disturb your rest.

Tonight, no wicker basket was in the house. No stirring could be heard. You're instead resting peacefully in that little porcelain urn.

A part of me wishes I had played with you more often but I also know that you know how much I love you and you know how much mummy loves you too. Whatever the nature of things truly are, I have to tell myself that because knowing it any other way would just not suffice, would just not keep me sane.

Someday the tears will stop flowing and the heart will stop aching but my memories for you will never be forgotten and there will always, always, be a special place in my heart reserved for you.

Another letter to you..

2010-09-14T11:54:00.000-07:00

I dreamt of you last night.

The dream was short and a little hazy but it looked like the void deck downstairs plus a slightly bigger field around it and you were running around it looking happy. You look younger, spritelier, perhaps close to the age when we first got you.

I remember when I used to bring you down to do your business. I wanted you to stay on the grass so that you will do your business and we can go up but you used to be so mischievous and dart off whenever I'm not looking.

When we used to stay at the old block, you darted off once and took the lift up on your own. I was so worried I combed every single floor and found you on the 5th floor, exactly where our house was except that we stayed on the 11th. Silly dog.

You know mummy sent out an email to the family to say that you had left us and because it was sent out on a saturday, not many of those at SP read it until monday. When Lak Mai asked Boh Nee how come she read it at the temple but didn't tell her, Boh Nee said she was just so upset she went upstairs to her room and locked herself in to cry.

Uncle FW who hardly played with you also told mummy he was so sad to hear the news and even Popo who always said we should not cry over animals shed a tear for you. Mummy said even some random auntie downstairs got her eyes all watery when Mummy told her that we had put you to sleep.

You meant so much to all of us and that's because you were always so loving. You were quiet and never made a noise but in your own way, you silently touched each one of our lives.

Mummy brought your ashes home yesterday. I had classes so I didn't go along with her. In some ways, I was glad I couldn't make it. I couldn't bring myself to go back there again and recall to mind all those sequence of events on Saturday. We place your little porcelain Urn on top of the amplifier with the candle next to it. It helps to see you in some physical form. Mummy said Shifu said we should not throw you in the sea as it will be cold for you. My catholic belief screams nonsense but y'know, it's you and I want you to be as comfortable as possible and if there's a chance a sea burial will mean you're cold, then we won't do it. Mummy said we could bury you downstairs. Go down one of these days after a rain so that the soil is soft and dig a hole for you. I think that's ideal because it means you'll be near to me. Would you like that? I still want your porcelain urn around for a while more though. How long I'll take, I don't know but it's really comforting to see you around.

It's getting a little easier now to deal with your loss, but some nights like tonight, I still sit here typing this to you and crying over the keyboard.

I still can't believe you're gone. The house seems so empty these days. It's like its just mummy and I now and maybe in some ways its good because it forces us to talk more with each other especially now when we both need to support one another. But what I wouldn't give to have you with me again. I don't want you lying there crying in pain and hoping for us to carry you and I know you're in a better place but I wish you were here, scratching at my door to ask me to let you in. Or nuzzling your nose under my arm so that it fell nicely on your back, prompting me to give you a good scratch.

I miss you girl. I miss you so much..

You silly dog..

2010-09-12T11:05:00.000-07:00

I miss you tremendously.

I come home and I see that patch of grass downstairs where we often bring you down to pee and it saddens me to no end.

MK jie wrote a nice email to mummy and I and talked about how she was so sad to hear the news even though she has not seen you for so long. She remembers how you used to stick your nose under her door to try to wake her up or how she used to carry you whilst she was working on the computer. If it helps your memory, MK jie is "the girl with the smelly feet". We used to call her that because you used to run up to her when she came home, smell her feet, recognise her and then got all excited.

We lit a candle for you the last 2 nights and left the altar lights on. If you wish to visit, please feel free to. I know it's a much better place where you are now but it would be nice if you left that turkey bone alone for awhile and come see me in my dreams.

I miss you you silly dog, so so much.

Melou (1994-2010)

2010-09-11T10:03:00.000-07:00

There are days in UK when I'm riding the bus to campus and my mind wanders and I think about Melou. I think about how old she is getting, how her eyesight is deteoriating and whether she misses me. And sometimes, I think about whether I'll still be in UK when her time comes and I can't help but shed a tear. Flustered, I often would whip out my sunglasses just to hide my face from everyone on the bus.

I'm glad that she lived a good and happy life and most of all, I'm glad she waited for me to come home and gave me the chance to spend these last 3 years with her. But those moments described above have played through my mind so many times that it feels like this eulogy has written itself over and over in my head many times over.

I received Melou from my mum's colleague in 1997. I remember the day clearly. I had gone to Jubilee Hall theatre to catch a play with my Sec 3 class. What play it was I did not remember and that's probably because my mind was only on the fact that my mum was bringing a dog back for me. My mum picked QX and me up after the play and started complaining about the dog being very naughty and keeps barking and because she's not toilet trained, my mum had locked her in the kitchen.

When we got home, I slid open that kitchen door and this beautiful white dog jumped at me excitedly. I played with you and you did not bark one bit. I suggested to mummy that maybe you didn't like to be cooped up in the kitchen and so we let you loose around the house and not one sound did you make.

When we brought you downstairs to pee, we tried to be responsible owners and put you on your leash. But you hated it. You would not budge whenever you had a leash attached to you. You didn't even like having a collar around your neck. So we let you loose and you were happy.

For an only child in a single parent family, you mean the world and more to me. You always greeted me so happily whenever I came home from school. I joke that you lasted longer than any of my girlfriends but that's really the truth. You were there to comfort me when I broke up with each one of them and you often hide under the sofa/bed whenever mummy and I quarrel but when the storm had passed, you would come out from your hiding place and quietly plop yourself down next to me and rest your head against my leg. You loved unconditionally and in doing so, you taught me how to do the same too.

The last couple of months, you fell ill and then you had a fall and could not walk anymore. You got frustrated and cried often and we ended up having to keep you in the storeroom for fear that your barking would upset the neighbours. We also found that on cold nights, you much preferred the shelter of the storeroom. But your condition got worse and your cries of pain and frustration became louder and louder and so today, my best friend, we let you loose and end your suffering. May you have fun running around the big fields of heaven. May God restore your sight and let you run free and someday, we shall meet again my dear friend.

You mean everything, everything, everything to this lonely boy and you journeyed with me through my life every step of the way. I love you my dear sweet friend. May you find peace in heaven and as Fr Bosco said today, "May the angels welcome you home".

Always and forever yours,
Sherwin

Family Lawyer? No. Runner? Maybe.

2010-09-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

Family law tutorial dragged on a little today and as the tutor rambled on about the manner in which you should manage your client, I drifted off a little and pictured myself as a family lawyer. I imagined putting my people skill to good use, to try my best to put my client at ease and with each case settled, I might just feel a sense of satisfaction having done some damage control and perhaps a little bit of good. I was so immersed in that little thought, albeit for a few seconds, that I got worried and quickly snapped myself back out of it. I don't believe myself to be a money grubber but I do like a comfortable life and I think I've found my balance with corporate work. Something I can make some money out of and at the same time, gain a level of satisfaction from the work. Family law? Perhaps in another life..

Had my dinner at the coffeeshop and played my Xbox for slightly under an hour just to allow for the food to digest. Then it was time to hit the roads once more...

As I started pounding the pavement, I was more than a little anxious, wondering where I might tank once again and take another long walk home. As I reach the point where I tanked the last time, I found myself doing some sort of body check up on myself - Stomach? Not churning, not feeling empty. Legs? Groin's acting up a little and ankle's still a little niggly but generally okay. Feeling a little more confident, I pressed on and before I knew it, I looked at my watch and I had clocked 8.4km. I knew the little turn back from Bishan would bring me up to an even 10km and I was so happy there was an extra spring in my step. I shuffled my feet faster, lengthen my stride a little and with an extra bounce, quicken my pace. At the 10km mark, I clocked 1 hour 10 minutes. My best 10km was Stanchart a couple of years back where I got 1hr 4 minutes. It was a little off but I was still very happy I did it. That's 7 min/km pace and if I continued at that pace for my 21km, I would have hit my 2hr 30 minute target. Of course that's one huge assumption but I'm just really glad to be out there clocking up distances once more.

I'm probably about 2 weeks short of AHM and will give it a miss this year but I'm gonna soldier on and look towards doing well for Stanchart at the end of the year. Feeling really confident and happy - must be the endorphins!

Simple pleasures

2010-09-04T20:56:00.000-07:00

That was what yesterday was about.

An SMS from Ahmad on Friday reminded me that I had to go to Kallang Leisure Park ("KLP") to collect my AHM race pack. 80% sure that I won't be doing the run but hey, paid for it already right, might as well go down to get my free t-shirt (though AHM t-shirt's are usually nothing to shout about).

So after waking up at 12 (major bio clock screw up these days), I ambled around the house a little before making the trip down. Ordinarily, I would have just cabbed there and back but the U2 tickets that I purchased this week has left me a little short on cash so I decided to rely on public transport instead. Made a 10 minute walk to the Ave 6 bus stop and took bus 851 (courtesy of my gothere app on the Iphone) to Marymount MRT and then hopped on the circle line for a 22 minute mrt ride to KLP.

Was expecting to have to queue for at least an hour ala Adidas Sundown but it was so fast I was in and out of KLP within 5 minutes. Made the reverse journey and was home in less than 2 hours.

Why am I setting this out in such great detail?

Firstly, the entire journey was rather therapeutic in some way. I'm often rushing from one point to another, I don't like wasting my time on the bus and on the train. Not that I don't waste my time at all, I just rather waste my time elsewhere. It was just nice to move along at an easy pace and take in the sights and sounds around me. Though a part of me was worried as to whether I can run the errand and be back in time to get ready for my dinner plans, I really didn't feel all too rushed. It was just a nice relaxing saturday afternoon altogether.

Secondly, as I hopped onto the train again at KLP, I bumped into D! It was such a pleasant surprise! I had heard that he's with the Brunei police now and is in Singapore to train with the Home Team but I had never gotten down to contacting him. The last time I saw him was still during uni days and in the turn of an eye, it's been 3 years! We were never that close in uni, just merely soccer buddies but I was really really happy to see him once again. The timing of our meeting also meant I could invite him to the Warwick gathering at night which he was quite happy to come along and meet up with everyone else once again. Invited him down to join me for Cage football one of these days, though he gets a little intense when playing football, it should be fun to have him on the pitch once more.

I was really glad I took the public transport option, without which I wouldn't have been bumped into him. Also, I made a slight detour on the return journey at Marymount MRT to head over to Shunfu market for lunch. I've always had the impression that it was a place laden with good food but perhaps given the time of the day, most of the shops were closed. I did manage to eat my bak chor mee, something I've been having a hankering for the last couple of weeks now (I had refused to eat poor quality ones around my house).

Evening was spent catching up with L who had just came back from Shanghai and the rest of the gang from the Firm. Was good catching up once again and we were in stitches at various points of the conversation. Also spoke a little to M in the course of the meal especially when the others' talk of CorpFin work became a little too technical for my liking. She asked me about my relationship status these days and I indulged her and gave her a quick but honest summary of my current situation.

Proceeded to join the Warwick group for the aforementioned meet up after the dinner. Was good to see all of them again but will also be seeing them next week and A's wedding. A was really nice to switch seats across the long table just to come over and speak to me and he's one person I'm always more than happy to talk to. I couldn't be more happy for him that he's tying the knot next week and I'm really looking forward to that wedding.

Tanked..

2010-09-01T22:56:00.000-07:00

Decided to test out the ankle for the first time last night. With AHM less than 2 weeks away, it's now or never. Armed with nice tight socks and an ankle guard, I took to the road. Immediately within a few steps, I felt the niggling sensation in my ankle but if there was anything that the Addidas Sundown experience has taught me, some pain can just be pushed through even if it bothers you the entire run.I actually felt pretty good after the first couple of km. Felt happy to be out running again and even the pain in the ankle felt good in some masochistic way.

Then at the 3.8km mark, I just completely crashed. I thought all I needed was a little breather, take a little walk and then start running again but when I tried, I just felt like I had nothing left in me. An empty tank. I remembered Fong words about running at a lower heart rate and thereby only using your fats as fuel and god knows I have plenty of that in reserve. So I tried, I slowed down to an almost walking pace but shuffled my feet decently enough to resemble some sort of jogging motion. Yet after 5 minutes of that, I could not do it any longer leaving me walking the remaining 2km back home. Any attempt to even start running again after that just left my slightly dizzy and worrying that I might just collapse into the uncovered drain next to me.

As runner after runner passed me, I felt real shitty. I tried to run through what I might have done wrong but in the end, I suspect it's a combination of a few reasons. The lack of sleep, the small amount of pasta I had eaten plus the fact that I hadn't done a run in weeks probably meant my body started burning up fuel a lot faster than expected.

Thoughts were that I most likely will have to pull out of the AHM. The end goal this year after all is Stanchart and I really should take it easy now to let my ankle have a chance to recover completely.

I still want to give it one more shot though, so maybe this weekend or something, I'm going to try taking to the road again. Hopefully I can get a decent run in this time.

Big Law, Big Dreams

2010-08-30T23:15:00.001-07:00

A little late in this posting...

Had a rather odd dream last night.

I was on my way to Big Law's office, the name of which shall remain anonymous.

I had already secured a position there at Big Law and was going to start work there after I get called to the Bar at the end of the year. As I was walking there, it suddenly hit me that if I had already secured a place, then why on earth was I walking there. I knew I had an 11am appointment but if not for an interview, then what was it for? Or was it purely my imagination that I had an 11am appointment? I decided to wing it and just go there and say that I have an 11am appointment and see if the receptionist had anything on her records.

As I got into the lift, a partner and a senior associate entered the lift as well. Only thing was, they were not employees of Big Law but of the Firm! And I don't even have much contact with them to begin with so it was really weird that they should suddenly appear in my dreams. I panicked! I cannot let them know that I'm here for an interview! I smiled politely at them and decided to let them approach the receptionist first and after they have been shown to their meeting room, I'll then approach their receptionist to check on that 11am appointment. Only thing was they kept hovering around the reception area and refused to leave. I too then had to hang around the recep area hoping they leave soon and that's when I awoke.

Walking to class this morning, I gave some thought to my dream. What was the significance of the 2 from the Firm preventing me from approaching the receptionist? Did I subconsciously feel like the Firm is preventing me from joining other firms? Or maybe that's the reason I give myself to justify my own sense of inertia?

Sometimes when I think of joining a Big Law firm, I question my own abilities. Am I smart enough? Am I willing to put in the hours? Then now at PLC, I see these eager-eyed mint condition graduates around me, ready to brave this new world of theirs and I wonder why I cannot take this challenge with an equal amount of blind faith. I don't mean to sound egoistic but each time I hear a stupid answer from them or better them at class, I wonder why I do not dare dream big, do not dare to take the plunge.

Perhaps it is a fear of rejection. I worry that firms might turn me down because of my 2:2. Perhaps it is my fear of failure. Having gotten mediocre A level results followed by a mediocre law degree, I've convinced myself that I am better being a big fish in a small pond.

Since writing the above post, I've received very disappointing news. Things did not work out and I have to reformulate my plan. The thought now is to give it a year. See what I can achieve within this year. Work my heart out and take on as many projects as possible. Then reassess and perhaps take the plunge for Big Law.

Fran & Me & the Road

2010-08-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

So plan did not start off as well as expected. Woke up this morning at 11am instead so gym was out of the question.

Did manage to put my bike in order to go out for a little spin. Because it was my first in ages plus it was also a test for my ankle, I decided to take it a little easy. Just do a ride up to the Mandai Shell station and back.

However by the time I got to Mandai, I had it in my head that I could squeeze out a little more and so on the way back, I took a little loop around Gambas avenue to make it a nice 40km ride. It was nice to be out on the road again. Plenty of cyclists around tonight but as usual, everyone's a little anti-social, really wish people were nice enough to give a nice nod or smile as they pass. I was happy to just be out with Fran on the road once more. The bumps and slopes are all still familiar and well, forgive the pun but it's like riding a bike. *cue cheesy drum roll*

Only thing that marred the ride was a stupid cab driver who couldn't wait for me and instead decide to cut in front of me so that he can take an exit off the main road. Then he realised he didn't have space to make a complete lane change and so I had to swerve my bike around his backside to avoid a collision. I swung out my arm and made to smack his sideview mirror but alas, my cycling skills are still a little rusty and I missed. I take comfort in the fact that I probably gave him a proper fright nonetheless.

All knackered out now and so I'm gonna take the chance to get in bed and hope I fall asleep earlier than usual. Been doing 4am nights, probably a case of slight insomnia but I really need to get my bio clock set right once more.

Inspired.

2010-08-29T10:43:00.000-07:00

I don't deny that I quite like cyber-snooping.

Recently, I had a quick convo with a tutorial classmate. She was carrying an SIS bottle and I enquired as to whether she is a triathlete or something. She answered in the affirmative. I cyber snooped a little and found her blog. I love reading athlete's blog. Their struggles and discipline always so intriguing and motivating for me and this one was no different.

Reading it, I'm truly inspired.

Having been strucked down by my ankle injury 3 weeks ago, I've not had a chance to exercise whatsoever. My attempts at doing so stopped after I tried to do some yoga and ended up on the mat grimacing in pain. I've now come to realise that with my lack of exercise has also gone all other forms of discipline. To sleep on time, to study.

The time to get my life back in order has arrived. It's now or never. I need to power through and whatever ligaments that have been torned just means my ankle needs to be supported by stronger muscles.

Gonna go sleep now and hit the gym tomorrow morning. Will also do a cycle after tutorial tomorrow. It'll be my first cycle in a very very long time. Let's see if my cycling legs have completely abandoned me.

Till tomorrow.

Same old Arsenal..

2010-08-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

So given no one reads this blog, I'm free to write as I please about Arsenal without worry of turning my readers off.

We kicked off the start of the EPL season today with a visit to Anfield. Liz was packed as usual and there were too many fair-weather fans and imposters there for my liking. The one that really irritates the hell out of me are the fair-weather fans though. Like I told Ben, come February when we're battling for a Champions' League spot, these fans will disappear. A few of them came in late, had absolutely no sense of space and started crowding me and on a few occasions, nearly stepped on my pristine-white lacoste shoes! Fuckers!

The imposters are of course easy to spot. Couple of guys next to me talked on and on about Man U's chances of success this season and a few were spotted wearing Pool jerseys. I love the fact that Liz's crowd has always been very welcoming of opposition fans but sometimes, I really wonder why these people even bother showing up here. The ones that really get on my nerves are those that come in plain clothes. Refusing the declare their allegiance and then when the score swings their way, they suddenly cheer like there's no tomorrow because they know that the Arsenal fans will be too upset to give them shit. One like that was standing near me today and when Koscienly got sent off for a ridiculous 2nd yellow, he had the nerve to put up his hand to clap.

I was so pissed I aimed a venomous "Fuck off!" at him! He didn't dare look in my direction but he stopped clapping straight away.

A word has to be said about Liz itself. I love the place and am grateful to the owner, who's of course an Arsenal fan, for allowing us to convert this branch into a true Arsenal lair. But the decision not to serve ice-water really pisses me off. I got very annoyed when it was first explained to me that if I want water, I need to go to the bar and drink at the bar. And then today, I'm told that they have decided not to even serve ice water at the bar.

Overall. It's great to see the start of the EPL once again. I would have enjoyed it more if Arsenal had completed their transfer dealings and we have a full squad to kick off the season with. Now still in desperate need for one goalkeeper and one defender, I can't fully celebrate the start of the season with utmost optimism about winning the title. It will however be a close fight and if I thought last year was bad where 3-4 teams ding dong-ed at the top, this year might just be worse. This season's certainly not one for the faint-hearted. Nor the fair-weathered.

Promethean Flame

2010-08-07T12:06:00.000-07:00

Today, my mum who embraces national pride like no other, the typical pre-65er excitedly informs me that the YOG torch was going to pass through our area. That led to much to-ing and fro-ing as she kept trying to get me to go down with her to, as she says, "support the torch".

Still feeling the effects of last night's football game, my body was screaming "no!". The filial son in me however was nagging and very VERY grudgingly, I agreed to go along.

A sense of nostalgia always hits me whenever I enter into RI. Turning into the parking lot, I subconsciously recall how this used to be the area where we would end up hitting stray shots into from the tennis courts. Walking through the main foyer, I can't help but think that this used to be just rickety benches and a row of vending machines. Looking at the humongous artificial pitch, I reminisce how we used to have to share the pathetic field with softballers whilst at all times keeping off lane 1 and 2 of the track as the athletes went sprinting by.

As I leaned against the railing to look down at the YOG mascots, a man came and stood next to me. He didn't see me but he looked familiar. "Mr L?" I thought to myself. I looked down at his waist where a security card dangled. I saw the familiar name printed on it "LNS". Ahh... our SEA games Judo bronze medalist. How the hell he held me in the grip on that train trip in China and how helpless I felt, I'll never forget that moment.

He walked away and joined up with another man in tinted glasses. "Mr E Ng!" Wow! The head of boarding in my time. In my progress report for PE, he ticked A for almost everything that was in there.. sporting ability, fitness etc etc. And then I spotted an "E" grade. It was for "Sportsmanship". He taught me physical education but as you can imagine, he taught me so much more than that. I wanted to say "hi" but I was not in the most sociable mood so I let it slide and since he didn't spot me, I moved along.

After watching the YOG torch go by, we turned to walk towards the car. Just then, another familiar face walked past me. "Was that Ms Chia?" I asked my mum. My mum said it wasn't but at my insistence, she said "Try lah, go say hi"

"Are you Ms Chia?", I asked.
"No. I'm Ms Tan" came the reply. "I get that a lot. You are referring to Ms Chia T P?"
"Yes"
"You're an old boy? You were a boarder? You boarded at Morrison House"
I smiled at that quick fire series of questions and said yes to all the questions.
"Ms Chia is in HK now" she said, smiled and then went on her way.

We crossed the driveway over to the car and suddenly someone stands right in the middle of my path and thrusts his hand out waiting for me to shake it. I was so happy. It was Mr Ng. We exchanged pleasantries, he of course asked what I'm doing now and I enquired about whether he attended the 10 year batch reunion last year. I wish I had more to say to him. To thank him for teaching me a valuable lesson in life. But that would probably have been foolish and rather awkward.

12 years has passed since I left RI. All these wonderful human beings continue to serve the school in their own capacity. At this juncture where having been with the Firm for 3 years, I'm already considering my loyalty. These people show me what true loyalty means. True stalwarts of the school. True Rafflesians.

As the YOG flame fleetingly passes through the RI today. Another flame burns brighter. Promethean Flame. And these are my true torch bearers.

An odd kinda friendship..

2010-08-05T10:00:00.000-07:00

Today CL was telling me about this couple in Singapore who chronicles their sex lives on a blog to rather disgusting effect..

CL said: "The blog's called '(I can't remember the name now)'. If you don't remember, you can check it out on my FB wall. M posted it on my wall"

She forgot that she edited her privacy settings in relation to me. She doesn't know I know.

I just smiled and said "No thanks.." and made some joke about how it all sounds rather gross..

You're a really nice girl and I love hanging out with you. But sometimes you can be so careless with other's feelings. I take it as some odd kinda ditziness and there are times when I find in endearing. Friends warn me otherwise. And it is for that reason that I will and continue to learn to keep you at arm's length.

Spending time with Mummy..

2010-08-04T10:43:00.000-07:00

On one of those rare moments that Easyjournal was working, I read through some old entries of mine and came across the entry on my mum. Reading it, I realised I regressed on some actions plans I've made for myself. The biggest example of which is not sitting down to have meals with her and instead bringing it to my room so that I can sit in front of the tv or the laptop.

So I've since started trying to make it a point to eat with her as often as I can.

Today, we finally managed to sync our schedules and I brought her to Santouka Ramen. I love Santouka and that's saying a lot considering 4 years ago, I grouped Ramen in the same category as maggi mee. So it was a pleasure to finally share this wonderful meal with my mum.

It didn't start off well as she had trouble finding the restaurant and I was getting aggitated coz it was our turn next and they have a strict policy of only seating you when your entire party has arrived.

In any case, she made it just in time and after the food was served and we tucked in, all anger and animosity was forgotten. I think she found the ramen a little too salty but overall, she enjoyed it. We then went down to the Hokkaido japanese ice-cream parlour downstairs and she was so happy when she saw that they had a Green Tea Red Bean flavour. "That's my 2 favourite flavours combined!" she later remarked.

We each our ice cream and took a walk through Clarke Quay as she marvelled at how much Clarke Quay has truly changed.

Then we passed by Nectarie and I told her how they have such a terrible policy of not serving ice water and how V once took out her water bottle to drink and they actually had the nerve to ask her to keep it. Then mum being mum seized upon the opportunity and said "Do you think you'll get back together with her?"

I shrugged and gave a "don't know lah!" answer, hoping that she leave it as that.

"She knows you broke up not?"

"Yea, think she knows"

"Then just wait lor, see if she'll call"

Later that evening, I took a long 13km run. It gave me plenty of time to let my mind wander and I thought about what my mum said. I think my previous entry has pretty much spelled out what I feel about getting together with V, the long and short of it being I'm so messed up and confused I really don't know if I want to.

Does mum really know best? In that last sentence, has she cut through all the bullshit and think that she knows pretty well what her son wants?

After our walk around Clarke Quay, we sat down by the river in front of Central. She then repeated her story about how my dad and her met. How they broke up and then my dad chased her again and the rest is history. Has my destiny already been written for me?

Lost and Confused

2010-07-28T06:23:00.000-07:00

Having spent the last few days fretting over whether I'll be able to secure my IPhone 4 and at what price, it only occurred to me this morning that when trading in my phone, I'll, in the process, lose all smses from V. I looked through a few this morning on the cab to the courts but the bumpy cab ride did not allow me to look through too many. What I saw were simple smses, held very little in terms of substance.. the usual good mornings and good nights.. 'reporting' where she's going to be or where she's at now. I'm sure some of them were done more out of routine than anything else, including even the occasional "love you"s, but I can't help feeling like we had something going there..

Just finished watching Couples' Retreat and I'm wondering if that was us. That after 5 years together, we just started taking things for granted. We were so comfortable with each other that we did not appreciate that comfort any more.

These days, having ended things with A, I feel like I need some time to myself. At the back of my mind, there's a real urge to call V up and say "you still want to get back together?" but I keep telling myself that I need to be 100% certain about this. Yet how can I ever be 100% certain? It is ALWAYS a leap of faith isn't it? And how can I even come close to 100% if she doesn't even want to speak to me? It is not like I blame her for it though.. I should not re-open wounds for her if I am not confident of healing it. And so that is how it goes.. I've reached some sort of impasse here and I honestly don't know what to do. Sometimes I think "let mother nature take its course.." and "time will tell.." and yet the thought that she might end up with someone else haunts and worries me.

Perhaps I deserve this. Perhaps I was given my chance and I blew it big time..

I'm sitting here trying to think of a brilliant way to end this post, but truth is I'm just lost and confused and that's the bottom line.

Feeling Foolish

2010-07-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

Received an SMS from O today. 2 actually. First one frightened, the second one saddened.

I tried to do damage limitation but somehow made it worse (some people just do not have sufficient composure to make it in the legal industry).

After working for the last 3 years, I'm still such a newbie when it comes to office politics. I'm still impulsive, I still do not strategise well, I still do not learn to keep my big mouth shut..

This is like when O scolded me when I messed up a work for the first time with O.. I feel bad not because I messed up the work, but because I let O down.

I sit here at my com, Katherine Jenkins in the background, afraid to go to sleep. For fear that when I wake up, the shit has shifted nearer to the fan.

Time to hit the shower and then perhaps hit the bottle a little. Nothing a little old school West Wing + Whisky combination will not cure.

2010-07-14T07:12:00.000-07:00

Exhausted.

Cold has subsided a little but a cough has taken its place. Perhaps it's a little bit more of a flu coz I'm aching all over as well..

I'm going to do a run tomorrow. I don't care if I'm still ill. I don't care if I'm not young anymore. I just need to get out and start running.

Men are babies when they're sick

2010-07-13T06:32:00.000-07:00

Got a mild cold yesterday. Made the mistake of thinking I'm still in my early 20s and slept without a shirt on the night before. Popped a couple of cold tablets last night hoping that I'll wake up with the cold all gone. Unfortunately, it decided to hang around a little longer..

The cold tablets made me extremely drowsy and I slept and stoned through a large portion of lectures today. Since I had already agreed to go for a run with Ahmad in the evening and obviously still struggling with the fact that I'm 28 and no longer young, I went ahead and ran our 6.5km route the Singapore River.

The run was tough and despite Ahmad going "don't worry bro, we go slow, you set the pace", he was the one leading me all the way and inadvertently, setting a pace of his own. Felt like shit after the run and as I was at the gym to hit the shower, an amusing thought came to my head. I can't remember if it was V who said it once but every time I'm sick, I think of this line.. "Men are babies when they're sick". We always wants someone to molly coddle us, to tuck us in bed and bring us hot tea, to fuss over us when we don't want to take our medicine etc etc. For a brief while, I thought about how I don't have that any more. You win some you lose some I suppose. C'est La Vie.

Not all us have the fortune of having a hot girlfriend, win the WC and have a nickname like Sant Iker right?

Another chapter closed

2010-07-12T07:48:00.000-07:00

Things ended between A and I last week. Truth be told, it's hard to come into a new relationship having been in the same one for the last 5 years. Comparisons are made and expectations fell short. It's not A's fault. Just mine. In my eagerness to move on, I failed to recognise how unready I am for a new relationship. Hand on heart, I really did try my best to keep things going, but slowly, things started to become like a chore and relationships should be a lot of things but not that. So when pressed into a decision by A, I ended things. She said her best way to get over things is for her to hate the guy first. So very quickly, I have switched from being the target of her love & affection to her target of hate. A week ago, when I half-seriously suggested mailing her stuff back to her, I was rubbished and was told we'll arrange a time for me to pass it back to her. Today, when I smsed her to try to arrange a date and time, I was told I could either meet her at her friend's place or I could mail it back to her. It may just be me being sensitive about things but I took that as a "I don't want to meet you alone" hint and decided to mail the things back to her, across our tiny little island.

Many have of course FB-ed and sms me to check in, to make sure I'm ok. Those that I have been confiding with thinks its quite the joke, they jest at me thinking I'm more than okay, that I'm simply relieved to have finally done it after considering ending things for quite a while. The truth probably lies somewhere in between. In the meanwhile, I nod and smile to both parties, those who ask if I'm okay and those who jest.

I wrote this sometime back. It's actually directed at V but I guess now, it applies to both of them. In case it should be mistaken, I'm no cassanova, just really poor at relationships...

Her sadness, my pain
Her baggage strains
I am helpless
I am useless
No words of mine can comfort
No actions of mine can soothe
The willing samaritan is the robber
Who now can only be a bystander

Why I will never be Law Minister

2009-10-30T22:32:00.001-07:00

TRANSCRIPT OF Q&A SESSION AT THE NEW YORK STATE BAR

ASSOCIATION (NYSBA) RULE OF LAW PLENARY SESSION

ON 28 OCTOBER 2009 (WEDNESDAY), 5.15 PM, AT MAXWELL CHAMBERS

Participants

MinLaw

Name Designation

Mr K Shanmugam Minister for Law and Second Minister for Home

Affairs

NYSBA

Name

Mr James Duffy II Chair of Plenary

Mr Michael Gilligan Panellist / Chairman of the International

Section of NYSBA

Mr M N Krishnamani Panellist / President of the Supreme Court of

India Bar Association

Mr James Silkenat Panellist / World Justice Project

Transcript

Mr James Duffy II:

First, Mr Minister, I want to thank you for being with us a second time. I

understand you are very busy and there are many demands on your time. We

are very honoured that you addressed us not just once, but twice. I was very

impressed with your remarks - very consistent with our conversation yesterday.

The first thing I would like to do is try to explore with you and your panel the

concept which we spoke about briefly yesterday and perhaps I can ask you to

comment on this particularly in light with your history with the British government

for many, many years until 1959. In your understanding of the rule of law, does

the freedom of choice include the right to make bad choices?

Minister:

Deeply philosophical question. Let me try and answer it. I think the answer

would of course be yes. But probably I think the real question is – how does it

interact with or is circumscribed by what I described as our approach.

Freedom of choice must include the right to make bad choices. But where it

impacts society, and where it impacts on key aspects, say for example, stability,

society should have a right to have a say. Let me explain that by specific

reference to an illustration. Let’s say, hate speech on the internet or publications.

If anyone stood up and said I am expressing or I am exercising my right of free

speech by saying that “all Jews are hateful”, or “all Muslims are bad’, we will

arrest and charge him. Because for us, that freedom of expression does not

extend to this sort of hate speech where violence against a particular ethnicity or

religion or belief can be encouraged. And we have charged people for putting up

such notices. We are particularly sensitive about it in our Chinese, Muslim,

Hindu context. People have been charged for putting up notices against one or

the other ethnic communities where it goes beyond some expression of opinion

to incite them towards violence. So you can pick out examples. So I will say you

draw the line around society’s interest. And I will add a further point. We will

probably define society’s interest in a narrower way than you will – that is, we will

intervene more frequently and more often compared with you. Your philosophy

is to start with the individual as paramount. He must exercise his interests and

his responsibilities, and communitarian interest should hardly ever intervene. We

take a slightly different philosophical approach ...

Mr Silkenat:

Just to respond briefly. I think the decision about who gets to make the decision

about what is a bad choice really is important. Most governments, certainly

including the United States, do not have leaders that make universally good

choices on that, and I think it is rare for any government to have the leadership

that can step in office and decide well, for our citizens, “this is a bad choice, and

we don’t want you to follow that path”.

Minister:

Just to put my answer in context. I think I will agree that it is not for us to make

decisions for citizens on good choices or bad choices that affects them. I think I

qualified it by saying that when it impacts on society and, particularly in the

context of the speech that I gave, we do believe that we can make those

decisions. I gave you a specific example, for example of hate speech. We then

subject ourselves to elections and people decide whether we are right or wrong

or if a different approach should be taken.

Mr Krishnamani:

Mr Minister, I have two questions.

One is, I read in the Internet that in Singapore, they say the ruling party has been

in power for the last several decades. And that the opposition is not able to

survive, and that again the political opposition - cases when they fight, what

happen is that they could not win and come back and it was a great difficulty.

Though one matter went up to Privy Council also. That is one thing.

Second point is, I read that in your judiciary, the judges are not independent

because they are interchangeable with the law officers in the Attorney-General’s

office. Is it correct? I read like that.

And another thing is, one more thing. In Western, In Germany and Japan, they

have lost their rights clearly where somebody violates the fundamental rights of

others, are somebody, he’s the violator of human rights of others. He’s not

entitled to any human rights or any fundamental right. Is there such a law in your

country?

Mr Duffy II:

You probably like to respond to these three separate questions.

Minister:

Yes, I thought there were four actually. I will respond to the first three and the

fourth I’ll have to ask you to explain again ...

I think the first question was, the PAP had been in power so long, actually since I

was I was born, so… doesn’t that by itself show … does that indicate a

dictatorship? And doesn’t that indicate an abrogation of individual rights? Can

there really be free choice when one party stays in power for so long? I thought

someone might ask me this question, so I have brought for you, and I am going

to take the liberty of reading out an extract from Bryan Caplan … a leading

American economist, who published a book called “The Myth of the Rational

Voter”. I think the best answer I can give you is in an article he wrote. This is

what he says. Published in July 2009.

“Singapore, when compared to almost any other democratic country, has two

deeply puzzling features.

Puzzle #1: It frequently adopts policies that economists would call “economically

efficient, but politically unpopular”. For example, Singapore has near-unilateral

free trade, admits large numbers of immigrants, supplies most medical care on a

fee-for-service basis, means-tests most government assistance, imposes peak

load pricing on roads, and fights recessions by cutting employers’ taxes. These

are policies that could easily have cost politicians their jobs in many other

democracies, yet they have stood the test of time in Singapore.

Puzzle #2: Even though Singapore follows the forms of British parliamentary

democracy, it is effectively a one-party state. The People’s Action Party (PAP)

has held uninterrupted power since the country gained Home Rule in 1959, has

never received less than 60 per cent of the popular vote, and has always

enjoyed an overwhelming majority in Singapore’s Parliament …

One common conclusion is that Singapore must be - despite its Westministerian

pedigree – a thinly veiled dictatorship, which informally suppresses political rivals

and rigs its elections, which in turn allows the Government to unilaterally adopt

unpopular (yet efficient) policies. This “Singapore as a thinly-veiled dictatorship”

theory coheres neatly with Western stereotypes about the city-state, and

elegantly resolves the two paradoxes. Unfortunately, this dictatorship thesis

ignores three basic facts.

First, Singapore has several legal opposition parties. They may face minor

indignities but hardly live in mortal fear of the PAP. Pressure from the dominant

party is a feeble explanation for the opposition’s near-total failure to gain political

office, given that many countries (like Pakistan) demonstrate vigorous electoral

competition despite far graver dangers.”

And my point is, … even if you put tanks and guns on the streets, if people are

really unhappy, we won’t be in power. I don’t think I really need to explain that,

let alone, in our case when you hold free and secret, and effective elections

regularly. Let me read a little bit more.

“Second, while there are unusual restrictions on political expression, these shield

people from criticism, not policies. Opposition candidates who avoid personal

attacks against PAP politicians can and do freely attack specific policies as

ineffective or unfair.

Third, there is no evidence that Singapore’s elections are corrupt. Indeed,

international observers have consistently rated its government as one of the

least corrupt in the world, with elections that are “free from irregularities and vote

rigging.” The Global Barometer country report for Singapore finds that 86 per

cent of Singaporeans believe that their elections are either “completely free and

fair”, or “free and fair”, but with minor problems”.

Then, dismissing that theory that we suppress the opposition and that is how we

remain in power, he moves to a second possible explanation that Singapore’s

voters perhaps are unusually economically literate. And they are so

economically literate that they accept all these unpopular policies and yet vote us

in. And he says that doesn’t make any sense, because voters in Singapore are

like voters everywhere else. Everyone wants lower taxes and more public

services, not the other way round.

Then he moves on to a third possible explanation. Singapore’s voters are

unusually loyal, deferential or unusually resigned. And this is published in

Singapore by the way.

“Even if Singaporean public opinion were unusually economically literate, it

would still be hard to explain the PAP’s dominance. In the Median Voter Model,

opposition parties’ best response would be to mimic the policies of the ruling

party, leaving voters indifferent. Singaporean politics plainly doesn’t work this

way; it seems to be in a political class of its own as long as we think of it primarily

as a country.

This is where most people make a mistake. … I have tried to explain that we are

different. We are a city. We are not a country. He is the first writer I have seen

who has said that.

“The picture changes radically if we instead think of Singapore as a city. In the

United States, big city politics is often about as lopsided as Singaporean politics.

Democratic mayors have won without interruption since 1931 in Chicago and

1964 in San Francisco. While the Democrats have failed to monopolise the

mayor’s office in New York City, they have near-PAP dominance of the New

York City Council: Democrats hold 45 out of 48 occupied seats.”

But nobody questions whether there is a democracy in New York.

Finally, in conclusion:

“In the West, Singapore is widely perceived as a benevolent dictatorship. From

this starting point, social scientists have little to learn from Singaporean political

economy. The explanation for Singapore’s success is simply that it had the good

fortune to be ruled by the smartest, nicest dictators on earth.

Once misconceptions about Singapore’s democratic credentials are corrected,

however, the city-state looks “curiouser and curiouser”; it seems to contradict

everything that experts think they know about democracy. How can any party

honestly win election after election – much less a party committed to many

economically efficient but unpopular policies?

And he goes on to explain:

“Understanding the paradoxes of Singapore sheds new light on political

economy in general. While most democracies have frequent partisan turnover at

the national level, sub-national democratic policies are often as one-sided as in

Singapore. In the broader world though, such forms of one-party democracy do

not seem to depend on the delivery of remarkable economic performance. Is

this because the relative importance of loyalty, deference and resignation varies?

Or did Singaporeans simply have the good fortune to put its trust in Men who

happened to deserve it.

The case of Singapore is a fascinating challenge to time-tested models of how

democracy works. But more importantly, the mechanisms underlying

Singaporean political economy are probably at work in every democracy. These

mechanisms are not unique to Singapore, just uniquely visible.”

I think that is the best answer I can give to your first question.

Let me deal with your other two questions. You touched on opposition figures

and judges. Let me come to opposition figures later.

I will deal with judges – the suggestion that they are not independent.

First, factually your point about judges being transferred to become part of the

legal service is only partly accurate. That does not apply to High Court Judges.

High Court Judges are what we call puisne Judges. They are appointed, they

are protected by the Constitution. Once they are appointed, they cannot be

removed until they reach the age of 65 and they retire. And, if there is any

misconduct, a Judge will be tried by his peers from the Commonwealth, that is,

other Supreme Court Judges from the Commonwealth who will sit on the bench

to try the case and decide whether he did or did not misconduct himself.

In the Subordinate Courts, the District Courts, given our small size, we have long

been thinking whether we can create a separate judicial service where judicial

officers would have a career track. But it has not been possible because you

take the entire legal service we have - it is about 300 officers. How do we attract

the best and brightest lawyers to join the service? And if we just took the District

Court and appointed career judges, maybe 40 or 50 of them, what is their career

track? … There are serious practical problems. So we have had to keep them

as part of our broader legal service. But it is very much an issue that someone, a

lawyer like me, would think about. Many lawyers have thought about it. There is

no clear solution we can find in the context of the size of our service.

On the third point, on opposition figures and defamation, every single report on

Singapore mentions this. Let me tell you a number of things. In my Opening the

other day, I talked about defamation. I said, and the Chief Justice mentioned this

yesterday, by reference to our Constitution, we say you have a freedom of

expression subject to restrictions. We value personal reputation. We put a

premium on it for a number of reasons. One of which is because we believe the

best people should be brought into public service. Now, how would people come

to public service if you can attack them personally, you can call them corrupt, you

can call them liars, you can say anything you like about them without having to

prove it? And anyone who has to come into public service has to be prepared to

go through that. Some societies, including yours, think that is a mark of

character and that is what is needed. We take a different approach. We say you

attack the policies – we don’t have a problem. But if you attack a person – you

say he is a liar, he is corrupt, he took money, or he misled Parliament, or he

embezzled State funds, you prove it. If you don’t prove it, you lose the case.

Do we do this to prevent opposition? The most successful person in opposition

is Mr Low Thia Khiang, with his Workers’ Party. He has never been sued. He has

been in Parliament since 1984. The other successful figure is Chiam See Tong.

… Mr Chiam is known and seen as an honourable man, and there is an

interesting story about him. When he first stood for election, two PAP ministers

… made some remarks about his law firm and his abilities as a lawyer. They said

he is a “one man band” and said “why would you want to elect him”. Mr Chiam

threatened to sue. Because he said “this is not fair comment you are attacking

my ability as a lawyer. What has that got to do with my policies, as a MP”. And

the two ministers took legal advice and paid damages. They did not go to court

because that is the way we operate. Sensible people take legal advice and if you

think you do not have a case you pay up and they paid up. And Mr Chiam sued

other people as well. And he has never ever faced a legal suit. … I did not come

here to go through in detail each and every legal case. But if you go through what

NGOs say about the cases, you will find that it is the same repeated stuff over

and over again - it will appear in various NGO reports about Singapore. If you go

to the actual facts, you might get a different picture.

Now you had a fourth question, which I didn’t understand at first and have now

forgotten.

Mr Duffy II:

Perhaps we can return to your answer to the first question. And I’d like to posit

the suggestion, just a suggestion. For many, many years you had a British

government which ruled. And from an outsiders’ point of view, perhaps Mr Lee

Kuan Yew replaced the British Government in part, and in turn he was replaced

by the PAP. Is this part of an ongoing transition, or is there something ingrained

in the culture and history that you described to us that people are used to having

a figure such as the British Government in the background, Minister?

Minister:

I am not quite sure I understand the question, but let me try to answer it as best I

can. The British Government in the 50s started talking about self-government for

Singapore. Remember neither British nor the Malayans nor anyone in Singapore

thought of Singapore as an independent state. It is almost artificial to talk about a

place that you can drive across in about 30 minutes, both ways, north to south

and east to west, situated as it is in between these large countries, as an

independent state having its own viable existence. But, the British thought of it as

having self government … where they will take care of defence and foreign

affairs and so on. They started holding local elections from the early 50s. And in

1955, the first chief minister was somebody else. You know, we had, people like

Lim Yew Hock and then we had David Marshall who was a British trained,

extremely brilliant lawyer.

But, this society in many ways was ungovernable. And it was particularly

ungovernable if the communists did not cooperate with you. And it was also

ungovernable because it had no money and it was a completely chaotic situation.

So governments came and went; and I didn’t go into that in my speech. In 1959

the PAP came into power. It came to power with the support of the communists.

Again a very convoluted history, but the communists supported it and it came to

power. And Mr Lee describes it as riding on a trojan horse. Because the

communists wanted to present an acceptable face and this nice English speaking

Cambridge-educated lawyer was the acceptable face that the British would

accept. They will come to power using him, and then they will throw him out and

they will take over. That was the plan.

And what had happened in the late 50s and 60s was then a very, very severe

and vicious and no-holds barred fight. It is a fight and there were other fights that

were going on which I talked about. 1965 – independence. And then since 1965

there were elections throughout. And by late 60s the economic policies that had

been put in the early 60s were beginning to bear fruit. People were moving from

slums to little flats, three rooms two rooms, but at least there was running water,

there was a proper toilet. There was roof over their heads. So the extraordinary

thing and the reason why the PAP got successfully stronger with each election,

was because unlike most countries where you know, in a developed world, how

much can your life improve, right? You can get a slightly better job but your

neighbourhood doesn’t change your living conditions do not really change.

But here in the first 30 years you actually saw slums being removed, housing

estates being built, roads being built, schools being built. Every five years, there

was progress and the progress was tangible, visible, observable. So it won

election after election after election. And in 1990, Mr Lee stepped down as prime

minister but the PAP as a party continued in power. Mr Goh Chok Tong took over

as PM. And our approach was and has been, we not only take the brightest for

the civil service, we also talent spot. The Government actually goes actively

around the universities, the professions, they look for the top people and say

“would you like to come into politics”. Think this is something not really heard of

anywhere else. And then they say, “look come and fight the elections and if

you’re good you might become minister”. And that’s how the top leadership is

selected. And then from 1990 to 2004 Mr Goh was PM. 2004 Mr Lee Hsien

Loong has taken over.

Mr Krishnamani:

In Germany and Japan, those people who violate fundamental rights and human

rights of others, they are being deprived of their fundamental rights and human

rights. I am talking about terrorists.

Why should they have human rights? I think that problem is cropping up

everywhere. In India where I hail. The same issue is that the Supreme Court

judges in India are of the view that the violator of human rights cannot have

human rights.

Minister:

I think a broad proposition like that I will find difficulties as a lawyer. Because

what do you do with a child rapist then? Is that any less extreme or less

reprehensible than the actions of a terrorist? But terrorism does throw up unique

challenges, often because you uncover the plots through deep undercover

operations, through working with foreign intelligence agencies. And putting some

of them on trial, you know, sometime inflames the very passions that you are

hoping to subdue. So it does throw up unique challenges. We have found trials to

be not the appropriate method, particularly during the communist insurgencies.

As I said, in Vietnam the communists melded into the population, and you don’t

know who was or who wasn’t a Communist and if somebody was willing to come

out as an informant and go to court and testify you can be sure he and his family

will be finished off. So they won’t come forward. So we have worked out this

method, detention without trial. The American approach has been to put them in

Guantanamo and treat it as not US territory and so US rights don’t apply. But that

creates the problem - how long you keep them there. What happens?

And then you have another political problem when, if you release them, and they

go out and kill American soldiers whether in Yemen or Afghanistan. So it is a

problem. The way we have tried to solve it is detain them without trial, but their

names are published, their backgrounds are published. People judge for

themselves whether we are abusing our powers or not. Right through, we treat

the terrorist as a human bomb, that his mind has to be deprogrammed, and he

has got to be told that what he believes about the Koran is wrong. The Koran is

actually asking for peace. And so we get an independent group of clerics to work

with the detainees. These people tell them look these are your beliefs, this is how

you’ve been misled, and if they reform, there is hope, they will be released and

several have been released, sometimes on conditions. I am not sure I

automatically agree with the complete deprivation of fundamental liberties, but

certainly detention is a very serious deprivation of fundamental liberties.

Mr Galligan:

Minister, I greatly enjoyed again your speech this afternoon which followed up on

some of the themes you mentioned the other evening. Could you respond to

what we discussed a couple of points. First of all you described very beautifully,

not sure … ‘beautifully’ is not the right word. But very clearly and interestingly I

think, some the circumstances under which Singapore came into its existence

and some of its challenges that it faced, and that is how the ISA sort of originated

and why it was continued to be in force. Its seems to me that when a country is

under a great threat to its security or in Singapore’s case actually trying to

become a country, the leadership is faced with very difficult decisions, which in

retrospect some of which may look pretty bad but which makes under the

circumstances because your survival, to use your expression, is at stake.

Just to give you a few examples from our American history: Abraham Lincoln

suspended, somewhat controversially, the writ of habeas corpus during the

American Civil War. During World War I, a considerable part of the press

especially in the West was suppressed. During World War II, the most difficult of

things that many people felt very badly afterwards, a very considerable part of

our Japanese population was sent to internment camps. People make, leaders

under the threat of national survival, sometimes are put in the face of having to

make very, very difficult decisions and, but then, when one goes back to a period

of normalcy hopefully through peace having survived and constitute a normal set

of circumstances, some of those rules, those rules don’t necessarily, or those

emergency measures that one took don’t necessarily become the norm.

So I just want to say that it seems to me, and I do not think you are necessarily

meaning to say this but maybe there is a little flavour that what you said

suggested that some of Singapore’s approach is very justified by the

circumstances in the 50s and the 60s and I completely understand why you think

that. And I have a feeling if a lot of us read the minister mentor’s memoir or

similar stories we might not have so much disagreement about that.

Secondly, advocating for the rule of law or promoting the rule of law does not

mean there is one way of implementing the rule of law, and I thought your

discussion about the case and the whole question of criminal procedure and

whether or not a person whether what circumstances it can be taken into account

the fact that they are not justified on their own behalf is a very interesting

example of that. As you pointed out, that approach indeed has the approval, the

approval of a very distinguished group of attorneys from another jurisdiction,

which most of us think also has a very great respect for the rule of law, namely

the UK.

So I think we also have to be careful in the discussion of not saying that simply

because Singapore has another approach to a particular issue may differ from

the way our constitutional law, our interpretation of the Bill of Rights has

developed, or where the European court of justice by European norms has

developed, nonetheless means your approach is wrong. The area that I think,

leaving aside chewing gum and sort of the things that are really to the side,

trivial, in the larger picture, it seems to me that the area of law that people really

have difficulty with as they analysed it, largely focuses around complex of laws

having to do with the election: The libel laws and a certain extent the

independence of the judiciary.

But it is in the, as you said, the Government has always gone back to the people,

the mandate has been very important, but I also have the feeling that to a certain

extent, some people feel that the legitimacy of the mandate has been

compromised in some way by some of the laws in this area and I’m going to just

give a very brief description of a couple of elements of it. If I’m wrong I hope you

will correct me. My understanding is that under the Singaporean Constitution, a

Member of Parliament must be, must cease to serve, must be compelled to

cease to serve as a Member of Parliament if he is bankrupt, determined to be

bankrupt, or secondly is convicted of a criminal offence where the penalty is

S$2,000 or greater.

Now the libel laws, you have in Singapore criminal libel which a number of other

jurisdictions which only by no means is the only country that has it, although I

think there is a general tendency in the world discussion today that even these

should be abolished, or should be or should only in very extraordinary

circumstances like such as some sort of threat to national security, or in your

case against ethnic harmony. But in the area of civil libel, my understanding is

that there is no defence of qualified privilege, again maybe I am wrong in that but

I see this in the literature that I read. Also I believe that there’s no cap on liability.

Indeed there is some language about the remedy should be substantial, I think in

the statute. Thirdly, the libel cases heard in the courts, and yes you are right that

high court judges have tenure.

But, you must resign at 65 and if you want to continue to serve after 65 then I

believe it is in the matter of the government’s decision. So, there is a complex of

rules where which would appear to sap the circumstance where the range of

public discussion, the freedom of debate is compromised by the fact that, if you

go over the bounds and, maybe in the heat of discussion say something which

another politician or another government official may take as not just being

strictly about the facts or the policies, but may be somehow or other implicating

the experience or the qualities or may be the character of the candidate in

question, that suddenly one can be the subject of a lawsuit that would possibly

again, there being no defence because I am a candidate for political party that I

have a little more of a range of freedom of expression to give my views as to my

capabilities versus the capabilities of the other candidates.

And so therefore I suddenly could be made the object of a lawsuit that could

result in very high damages, and not only would I have that but if I am already

elected to parliament I could be forced to step down and I do not mean to make

this a discussion about the Jeyaretnam case but nonetheless leaving aside the

details of the individual, these complex of laws certainly look as if they would

discourage a certain level of political participation that we would otherwise might

expect in a basically democratic society that respects the rule of law. And I just

mentioned the point, leaving aside the Jeyaretnam case, the Minister Mentor

himself most of which I believe had been successful.

Minister:

All of them.

Mr Galligan:

This is the area where it seems to me, that Singapore, is this really necessary,

leaving aside whether it is permitted under the rule of law or not. It seems as

though, all your tremendous achievement and all that the People’s Action Party

has accomplished is somehow or other, this puts a cloud over Singapore why is

this necessary, why is this necessary.

Minister:

Now let me take your point at two levels, one is a philosophical debate: do you

really need it? That becomes a matter of political philosophy. And my position is

yes we need it, we want it, and this is our political platform and let the people

decide.

But let me deal with it … in terms of the questions you have asked. I think the

broad point you made, has the legitimacy of the mandate been compromised by

some of the laws, and you mentioned, if he is bankrupt or convicted, then he

cannot be a member of parliament. If I look at each point you make, for example,

if I go to the people and I say do you want a bankrupt as a member of parliament,

which is the equivalent of your Congressman, I think the answer will be “no”.

Why should a bankrupt be qualified to be elected to stand as a Congressman?

Second if he is convicted of an offence that carries with it a certain minimum fine

and if a fine like that is imposed, serious offence, and he is a convicted criminal.

Why would you want that kind of person as your elected leader? … Criminal libel.

Civil libel. We are not the only country to have criminal libel. Australia has it,

various other countries have it. But it’s hardly ever used. Most of these cases you

read about are not criminal libel cases. Criminal libel cases are brought by the

Attorney General in extreme circumstances. We are talking about civil libel. Now

I am not sure I can add much more to what I have already said about that. I do

know, not just the Minister Mentor but various other ministers because I advised

them when I was in practise. I have advised on both sides – them, and I have

also acted for the IHT against them. And when I advised them that there is no

case, they drop the case. And I am not the only lawyer; there are other lawyers

who advise them.

The general practice is to take legal advice. Sometimes, if it is not clear, they go

to an English silk. And if the advice is that there is no case, then there will be no

lawsuit. You talk about in the heat of the moment people saying things. My

response to that is going to be: this is a philosophical argument. We say: argue

about policies. Let me give you an example you did not mention Dr Chee. During

the 2001 elections, or 97, I cannot remember. He made some allegations.

The suggestion was, that the Prime Minister in public, he heckled him, and said,

suggested that the Prime Minister had lied to Parliament and the public about

US$10 Billion, and that US$10 Billion had been loaned to President Suharto.

Now a simple question would be: “Was there a US$10 Billion loan?” He wasn’t

bothered to ask. Instead he made a series of accusations, and very serious

accusations. If those accusations were true the Prime Minister isn’t fit to be the

Prime Minister. Why do we need this type of rubbish in political discourse?

The Prime Minister had explained to Parliament and do you know what the fact

was? The fact was that there was no US$10 Billion loan, there was no $100

million, there was no $1 million, there was not a cent loaned. In American public

discourse you feel that these sorts of hard knocks, unfair or fair, doesn’t really

matter. If you get into the public sphere you must be prepared to deal with it. We

are not saying our skin is any thinner. But we say why can’t we keep the public

discourse governed by integrity. And he then initially withdrew his remarks, but

then subsequently withdrew his retraction. And therefore the lawsuit went on.

And likewise with the various Mr Jeyaretnam cases. I did not come here to deal

with all of them. But the broader point, and let’s take it as a matter of philosophy,

we believe in our libel laws, and that’s part of this government’s platform. You

may disagree.

I am not here to simply defend my position. I do not think it detracts from the rule

of law. I do not think that it detracts from the quality of public discourse or the

political discourse or how the lives of our citizens are going to be improved, and

what are the appropriate policies for that. And I don’t think anyone can say the

mandate is compromised. As I read out to you from Bryan Caplan, in his view

there are minor indignities that the opposition suffers, but nothing that really

prevents people from winning elections if they can offer a better policy. I’ll tell you

the real reason why we are in power. Because we secure the moral high ground,

the centre. We take the best people across all sectors into the public service, and

we make sure we deliver.

Mr Silkenat:

A couple of thoughts – let’s agree with your comments. Much to applaud your

position with the intelligence and conviction and goodwill, I think all of us always

appreciate that. It does seem to be a contrast between the notion of a country of

economic development and strength and stability being a beacon for foreign

investment worldwide, and at the same time, a country that feels the need to

keep in place a variety of laws relating to political dissent and expression that are

really unilateral in their application. And it’s tempting to believe that such carry-

over laws are now kept in place primarily because they keep one party or group

in office. Now we had a wonderful and detailed description of some of the

choices which Singapore can face. I am wondering, as Minister for Law, what

improvements or changes you would now want to see in the application of the

Rule of Law in the next 10 years in Singapore, now that Singapore is such a

success and might move past some of these earlier concerns?

Minister:

I had a line in my opening speech. Not sure whether I read it out. That we are

defined by paranoia. So much as I would like to say that we have moved away

from our concerns, and I do think today we are not in a position that we were in

the 1950s or 1960s. We don’t face the same existential threats. But, there are a

number of issues which I think foreign policy concerns preclude me from going

into quite frankly. But, let me answer the underlying two questions that I think you

have asked.

One is, the statement of expression that we continue to restrict political freedom

or freedom of speech in order to remain in power. The second is, is it not time to

change, given our obvious successes? Let me try and deal with them.

On the first question, we are not so stupid to believe that these laws, or anything

like that, can keep us in power. If you talk to the average Singaporean today,

highly literate, 75 per cent of them have some kind of tertiary education, almost

the entire top sector of society has had foreign exposure either through education

or work experience, and the number of Singaporeans who travel abroad is

greater than the population of Singapore. And we are open to international

influences and ideas, and we are an open economy and society. Can anyone

honestly believe that we can keep a lid on politics and control our way through

elections? I think it is just a laughable notion. It is not possible.

The question is, who can put forward the best policies to the population, and how

can you argue those policies? Who do the people of Singapore have faith that

they can continue to deliver? You know, I am not someone who believes that you

can make the population support you against their will. In this region, President

Marcos sent troops and tanks down. That did not stop the people from a

revolution. If your people do not want you, you cannot be in power. It is as simple

as that. So, I do not accept the notion that there are these restrictions, and they

are designed to keep us in power. I disagree with that.

And I have explained to the best of my ability why we try and keep the public

discourse free of libel, libel as in personal attacks which cannot be proven. I did

not answer Mr Michael Galligan’s point on qualified privilege. I will come back to

it. If you make an accusation that she is a prostitute or he is a liar, or he took

money, the defences available to you when you get sued, are first of all, to prove

that it is true, the defence of justification. Then, you have a few other defences

where even if the statement is not true, you can say that you have a reasonable

basis for making them. One is qualified privilege not in the NY Times’ case

sense, but in the sense of if I am a senior official in an organisation (I will just

give you one example), and I have to write a report on one of my subordinates,

and in that context, I make remarks which are defamatory. The general test is

that the person making those statements has a duty to make them, and the

person receiving the statements has a duty to receive them. Some sort of

situation like that. It will cover a fairly wide rubric including reporting for

companies, individuals, departments and organisations and so on.

The most useful defence, though, in this context, is fair comment. Fair comment

means you are making a comment on a matter of public importance and in order

for that defence to succeed, it has to be a comment. It cannot be a statement of

fact. If you say he is a liar, that is a statement of fact. When you say he is a fool

or idiot or comment on the person, and the subject matter is one of public

interest, and most of politics will be a matter of public interest, then you are ok.

So, the cases that go up usually fall outside of this rubric. And fair comment does

not mean that the comment has to be fair, in the sense that the opinion must be

reasonable. In fact, there was a famous case which states that however

unreasonable the opinion, … nevertheless, in public discourse, people are

entitled to comment, and have their views and express them, so long it is on a

matter of public interest. And that defence usually succeeds, provided it was

indeed a comment, and there was no malice involved. That gives a broad

latitude...

Coming back to Mr Silkenat’s point, is there anything that I would like to see

changed, is there something that we would like to see different? You know, we

look at ourselves as a work in progress and I would be the last person to say that

we are some sort of utopia or have arrived. Absolutely not. We learn everyday.

We look at your systems. We look at Western systems. We look at what other

countries do, and whether it is a law or procedure or economics. We treat and

look at ourselves as people in a small city that want to do well. And in order to do

well, you have to take the best ideas. And if a certain idea works, we will take it. I

have also explained to you with as much conviction that I think it is possible to

have, why Rule of Law is important to us, because it makes sense. And if we did

not have Rule of Law, we will not have the foreign investments. We will not have

the foreign companies here. We will not survive. So, from that same perspective,

if a practice makes sense, any law makes sense, and if it does not affect the

stability of society, we will put it in.

Mr Silkenat:

Anything specific coming up?

Minister:

Well, one thing specific is that there is the Criminal Procedure Code, some of the

laws I have talked about. We had a long discussion and what sort of additional

rights the defence can have, what sort of additional rights the prosecution should

have, and so on. We have had a long discussion, and something will come up.

But I suspect nothing along the lines of what you are thinking of.

Mr Silkenat:

I suspect you are right.

Mr Duffy:

Gathering from your comment, I am thinking about yesterday when we had the

opportunity to hear from your Chief Justice, that you are prepared to resist some

of these decisions that would appear to us that would have been made quite

some time ago under circumstances that are quite different from today?

Minister:

I think that is probably not the conclusion you should draw from what the Chief

Justice said.

Mr Duffy:

I didn’t mean to suggest, he said among other things that Lee Kuan Yew had a

dominant effect on many of your laws, and you were very good in explaining

some of the circumstances that led to those laws. And I think we have all agreed

now that most of those circumstances no longer exist. And given the fact of what

the Chief Justice said, in absence of the stimulus that brought those results,

would you be prepared to revisit these laws?

Minister:

You see, what I am struggling with is to try and understand what is it that we

should revisit, because what I spent a long time trying to explain in my opening

and my speech today, is that the circumstances required us or what we were

faced with and why we were so focused on stability. Now, in terms of what that

meant and why we tackled it, first I said my four fundamentals – Rule of Law. I do

not think you are asking me to revisit that concept, because that is fundamental

and central to us. Second, I said external security. We take that very seriously,

and of course it is not going to be revisited.

Third, I talked about our internal stability. You know, one of the searing images

that I have is of Yugoslavia after 40 years, when the moment the lid was taken

out, the ethnic communities went for each other. I am not somebody who

believes that ethnic tensions can be overcome in a period of four or five decades,

particularly in the context of the strategic and geographical situation we are in.

And as recently in the last few years, you had ethnic conflagrations in this region.

You have those issues. We have racial harmony here, but we do not take it for

granted. We do not shout about it, but we work very hard. What am I to do

different about that?

… The quality of public service is the fourth fundamental. To me, that

fundamental – the continued delivery and economic progress, giving of and

maximising of opportunities for the population, delivery of public goods is an

absolute essential. So I am not sure what it is that we are supposed to change. I

think what you are really asking is would we change your political philosophy,

and would we change our libel laws, and would you hereafter not sue people if

they were to express libellous remarks? If that is the question, the answer is no.

Mr Silkenat:

Let me give you one specific example. I understood you to say that trial by jury

was not appropriate, especially during the communist insurgency. I think we

could all comfortably agree that there is no longer any real possibility of

communist considerations. Would you be willing to revisit the question of the trial

by jury?

Minister:

I will give you two answers – one, my personal belief as a lawyer when I was in

practice. I look at the complexity of the cases, because I used to handle primarily

complex commercial litigation. I personally do not believe in the jury trial system,

and I have seen transcripts from the US, I have seen the results of cases. You

have to choose the system that works best for you. I have sat back and asked

myself – is this really the best way of dealing with cases, rather than appointing a

specialist judge, who knows the subject matter inside out? Say in complex

securities case, if you get a judge who has been for 25 years practising in that

area, is that not better than all these issues of jury selection, and what the colour

of their skin is, and who the defendant is? Let’s be frank – these are issues. Do I

want to go down that route in Singapore? Personally, I have never thought of that

as being an attractive option. And philosophically, that is not the government’s

position either.

Mr Duffy II:

Minister, we have a little time left and I would like open this to questions from the

audience. Do we have any?

Member of audience:

Mr Minister, thank you very much for engaging us in this dialogue. It was very

interesting and let me preface this question this question by saying that, before I

came here, I knew very little about Singapore’s legal system, or political system

other than what you would occasionally read in the Western press. And I very

much take to heart your comments that different societies have different histories

that call for different approaches. The United States has made a mistake in a

number of situations where we try to apply our system to cultures that were really

not suited for it.

But, we heard Ambassador Koh at lunch today level some criticisms both of the

legal profession and of the United States in its treatment of international law as

compared to US law and he made the point that when criticisms like that are

levelled, it is important to consider them and do some self examination to see if

there may not be ways to improve. And in your initial remarks the other day, I

was struck by the justifiable pride that you had in the surveys that rated

Singapore very highly in such matters as lack of corruption and pro-market and

pro-business environment. Yet it seemed to me that you dismissed out of hand

as unjustified the surveys that ranked Singapore very low in the area of press

freedom and while we might argue it should be ranked below countries like

Guinea or Ethiopia I don’t think there will be much pride to be taken if you were

moved up from 144th to 133rd as some of those states.

At least to those in the United States, freedom of the press and the ability of the

press to comment on policies and to make arguments against government

policies without the need to immediately provide an equal response is one of the

things that is important to the functioning of democracy and the ability of

opposition parties to thrive because of the independent commentary that the

press has. And I wonder whether given the low rankings of Singapore in matters

of pres freedom whether that might not be an area to visit to see whether that

might provide a basis for opposition parties to be more successful than they have

been.

Minister:

Let me deal with one point which you don’t really make and get that out of the

way. I did take some pride in those statistics but more to say where we were and

where we have moved. But it goes back to something I said to Mr Silkenat. We

are actually a very paranoid place. We are extremely paranoid about survival.

We think of ourselves as a small place that has to constantly run very hard just to

stay in the same place. So we never take these surveys and say we have

arrived. We always worry about who will take away our lunch.

So … let me assure you, the Singapore Government, the Singapore civil service

and the public we are always thinking of the future …, we are not the US, we are

not like India, we are not like China. We do not have strategic depth or space or

population. We are here in this region with all its issues. And we have to survive

here. And no one else is going to come and help us. We have to help ourselves.

While I did not want to detail to Mr Silkenat the series of issues, I highlighted one

that arose 20 years ago and therefore safe to talk about – about the visit of the

Israeli President. But we live here. But, we never take success for granted. In

fact we always think we have not succeeded and we have to run even faster.

Now, let me move to the real point that you make. Are we dismissive of these

press rankings? The way I put it to the audience, was not that I was simply

dismissive. I said to you, this is what Singapore is like by any objective standard,

then there are these surveys by Reporters without Frontiers and Freedom House

that we are below … Sudan, Darfur notwithstanding, below Guinea that was

featured in the … International Herald Tribune for rapings and killings and coups.

So I said, you judge for yourself.

Take a trip down Singapore. Talk to our lawyers, talk to our taxi drivers, talk to

our people. No disappearances, no killings, … , you do not get picked up and

taken away if you express a different opinion. So I say judge for yourselves how

objective these standards and these rankings are. Does this therefore lead me to

re-examine our policies? No, for two reasons.

One, I don’t think the matrix used for these rankings are relevant for us. What is

relevant for us is what works, and what is the role of the press as we see it. You

see it as an effective check on government. It can have its own existence. The

press decides for itself what its role ought to be. It is the final arbiter of what it

publishes, its own opinion. It checks on itself. As far as I know the government

cannot check on it, ... It is its own authority on what to publish, what opinion to

publish. We take the view that the press should be a neutral medium for

transmission of views on all sides. It can report on the debate whether it is the

opposition, or the Government, or public opinion.

But if the press itself takes on a role and attacks policies … day after, whatever

you may say, at the end of the day positions are hardened. Camps are formed.

And who controls the press, ... Who decides on the issues? In third world

countries it is a few media barons. Perhaps you don’t have media barons, I won’t

comment. It is not my position to comment on the US. But perhaps your press is

extremely independent and every cable news and every journal including Fox

news transmits all news fairly and equally. Do we consider that necessarily as

the best model? I don’t think so.

Mr Galligan:

In response, this seems very close-linked to what you said about the importance

of reputation – if people’s reputations can be too easily impugned, that becomes

a deterrent. I think frankly no one will say here there is no merit at all to that

point. Probably I think there are there are a number of people who are

discouraged from becoming more active in the American political system

because of some of the scrutiny, some of the wide open discussion, of people’s

almost entire lives, and things which are true and not true. I think the issue you

raised about the press, about who owns the press, that is a genuine issue, I think

that is something that should be a concern for a number of people in the United

States, as by the way we are concerned that in the City of New York, not as

many people take part in the elections as we just witnessed the last time in the

New York City as is appropriate.

My point was that, just as I said before in the discussion about criminal law.

Even in the area of election law, or press law, I don’t think we need to say that

the United States or the Western way is the exemplar for everything. On the

other hand, we wonder if, as Singapore continues to develop, whether in spite of

its highly educated population, and all the progress it has made, that maybe

some of these criticisms, some of the issues that we have raised, whether

Singapore could become even more of a beacon to the rest of the world.

Minister:

Let me answer that question. But I had wanted to make another point to that

gentleman (from the floor).

In early autumn, I was in the US and this particularly shocked me. As I said in

my Opening speech, I and many of my generation, are admirers of the US.

There are so many aspects of the US system we admire. I was visting a number

of universities, and I was going down to Yale. That was the unfortunate time

when the girl got killed. The first time I noticed when I turned on the TV was that

there was saturation coverage about that. It was as if there was no other news.

That surprised me as an approach to news.

What was even more surprising – and I don’t mean any criticism of the US

system – but what surprised me as a lawyer that there was obviously such a

competition for news and ratings that it wasn’t enough to say the girl had been

killed and that a Person of Interest had been identified. An immediate analysis

had to be made of that Person of Interest. So you had a major anchor and a

major national channel interviewing a couple of people, one of whom was I think

a psychologist, who made a number of points.

First she said, obviously he is a suspect, Person of Interest is a politically correct

term, but he hasn’t been arrested, he hasn’t been charged. Second, she said

obviously he must have done it. And these are the reasons why he must have

done it. He must have made advances to her. She is an attractive girl. She is

young. She must have rebuffed him and he must have done it. Obviously that

must be the conclusion. I sat there and thought: this is the leader of the free

world. This is a major news channel. What about the presumption of innocence?

What about the fact that the man may have a variety of answers for his conduct?

What about the fact that he may not even be guilty? Here we are concluding that

he is guilty. And not just guilty but guilty because he made a number of sexual

advances which had been rejected.

Now, that shocked me. That is not to say it is unacceptable. You will decide for

yourself what the best media approach to these cases is. But if that channel, if

that programme had been aired in Singapore, the Attorney General would have

started contempt proceedings, against both the media, and the person who made

those comments. So there are different approaches. I don’t think we are evolving

into a situation where there is one right answer. That is why conferences like this

are good for the exchange of views. But at the same time, I will assure you of

this. We don’t just dismiss criticisms. If we had done that, we would not be

successful. Right through our history, you will see that, we look at everything

that is said, and we will ask ourselves, does this work for us? Is there something

to be changed? And we have changed. I cannot satisfy Mr Silkenat that some of

the things he asked me about will change. But I can tell you, honestly, we

constantly change. And we will change anything that doesn’t work for us.

END

Innocent until proven guilty

2009-10-30T07:38:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was asked by my aunt to change some money for her upcoming trip to India. She changed something closed to S$3k in a mix of US$ and Rupees. She then made a wholly separate business trip prior to her vacation and upon her return, could not find the foreign currency at home. Since only 1 other aunt, my grandma and the maid stay with her, the natural suspect was the maid, S. Over the next few days, they searched her room and the house whenever S was not around or outside washing the car. They did not find the money but mysteriously found a bowl of soup under her drawer. They found it really odd since they have never ill-treated the maid and she always has plenty of food so apart from the fact that she could have given the food to someone else, they could not understand why she has to store food under her drawer.

When they still could not find the money after a few days, they decided to report the case to the police. The police also fingered S as the prime suspect and suggested that they bring her in for questioning. As they require a Javanese interpreter to be present and an interpreter could only be available at 10.30pm, they suggested that my aunts bring the maid in at 10.30pm and let her spend the night at the police station.

When I was told about this, everything about it sat uneasily with me. I cannot hold the moral high ground and say "Why of all people do you suspect the maid?" Given the circumstances, I would have pointed in the same direction. I might have been reluctant to send the maid for questioning but if the loss of the money bothered me that much, I suppose there wasn't any other choice. I kept quiet. I fought every urge to have my say over the family email. My family has always been very pro-PAP, and extoles the wonders of what the Singapore Government has done for us. I am no Jayaretnam and I appreciate our economic stability and safe nation. I too felt a sense of pride when MM Lee was received so warmly by Obama but I can never understand why the older generation do not strive for something more. Why are they happy that the roads are clean and the streets are safe? What about civil liberties? Free speech? Freedom of expression? Some would give me the whole "If you had seen Singapore in the 50s and 60s, you'll appreciate all these too". I wholeheartedly agree.. but still, why do we linger in the past? Why do we not look to progress beyond that? I digress.. my point being if I had said anything, I would been rubbished for being young and, ironically, innocent.

As it turns out, what was supposed to be 1 night spent in the police station became 2 nights. Today, my aunt got a call from the investigating officer. S had maintained her innocence and they find no case against her.

Then the email that really made my blood boil. My aunt wrote the email to the entire family to give an update on the situation. To be fair to her, she said she's just happy everything is sorted out and since the police says she's innocent, then so be it, let's all move on. BUT, she goes on to talk about what S went through, how she was locked up in a prison cell, how she was handcuffed and then as if to bait me into saying something, she goes "Question to our Family Lawyers: Can the police handcuff a suspect?"

WTF! What do you expect? Did you think she was going to invited into a hotel room, maybe a spa package was thrown in, and then after she is all relaxed, they'll set the questions out in a questionnaire form, give her a nicely sharpened pencil and let her answer the questions at her own time?

For fuck's sake!

My cousin can go ahead and try and explain criminal procedure to the family. I am soooo not replying that email.

In continuation of the Faces tribute..

2009-10-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

Having been introduced to 'Ooh La La' yesterday by the Faces, I looked through their entire 'Ohh La La' album and found they had a song titled 'Borstal Boys'. It amused me to no end because it brought up one of the first English Law cases I was ever taught (apart from the damm Donoghue v Stevenson case) and that's Home Office v Dorset Yacht and how a bunch of borstal boys damaged a bunch of yachts as they tried to escape.

Borstal Boys - Faces

Cell block five, how I hate Bromide
with your coffee in the morning makes you so sterile
the corner gang never made a man of me boy

you know the walls are tall and the inmates scheme
there's no one here that’s more than seventeen
bet your life there's a riot tonight in the messhall, listen

a letter from your home town makes you sad
you read it when the wardens had a second laugh
he said sentimental rubbish ain't got no place in here boy

see the years roll on by
such a senseless waste of time
what a way to reform
call out your number, who's a nonconformer
not me baby, oh yeah

Shakey Brown didn't hang around
when a Molotow didn't do its stuff
you went back in there and said it with a sawed-off shotgun

you know Poker Sam couldn't lose a hand
if he did you were hit by a downtown tram
or crushed in the path of a moving elevator, elevator

see the years roll on by
such a senseless waste of time
what a way to reform
call out your number, who's a nonconformer
not me baby, oh yeah

when I get out, I'll get straight
if this old world gives me half a break
but, if you see me in the corner with a chip on my shoulder
don't blame me, don't blame me baby, no, no

got to make a break for the county line

I wish I understand..

2009-10-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

Friend posted this on FB today. He titled it something like "things every father should tell his son".
I wish I understand...

Poor old Granddad, I laughed at all his words
I thought he was a bitter man
he spoke of women's ways
they'll trap you when they use you
before you even now
for love is blind and you're far to kind
don't ever let it show

I wish that I knew what I know now
when I was younger
I wish that I knew what I know now
when I was stronger

the can-can such a pretty show
will steal your heart away
but backstage back on earth again
the dressing rooms are grey
they come on strong and it ain't too long
for they make you feel a man
but love is blind and you soon will find
you're just a boy again

when you want her lips, you get her cheek
makes you wonder where you are
if you want some more then she's fast asleep
leaves you twinkling with the stars
poor young grandson there's nothing I can say
you'll have to learn, just like me
and that's the hardest way

ooh la la
ooh la la, la la, yeah

I wish that I knew what I know now
when I was younger
I wish that I knew what I know now
when I was stronger

2 years on..

2009-10-27T19:02:00.000-07:00

Recently, a friend of mine declared over Facebook that she would like to do the Camino some day. I got all excited an offered my help on it, knowing how difficult it can be to sift through the plethora of information online. Couple of hours later, I was talking with another friend about my Tour De France cycling trip when she suddenly mentioned that there's one trip she would love to do some day and that's.. *drumroll* the Camino.

Having the topic of the Camino coming up twice in a day really made think again about my trip. Before I knew it, it's been 2 years since I did the Camino. 5 days of walking through Spain, through trails and expressways, solitude and company, happiness and frustrations. I certainly learnt a lot about myself and in some ways, a lot about God in those 5 days. Yet I wonder how much of these lessons have I retained?

I read my last blog post prior to writing this one. Those worries were very real and they continue to remain fresh in my mind. Upon returning from the Camino, I took up the job at the Firm. A local one of decent repute. It is probably not my no.1 choice and in those 3-4 years of law school, it certainly was not one that featured in my mind. More importantly though was my relationship with V. I think subconsciously, I could not bear to take myself out of Singapore for another 3-4 years when there was that someone who had waited for me for so long. Although things never really worked out with V, I stand by that decision, I'm glad I tried. I'm glad we had that extra 2 years.

So that's as much as I am going to say to bridge up the 2 year gap between posts. I took the job, I worked hard for 2 years and now I'm 1 week away from my bar exams which I am scared shitless from. Chances of a repeat "2:2"-like failure is high, but there's a resit option available. And in any case, when you have done the Camino, nothing prevents you from moving forward. Veni, Vidi, Vici!

Matt 6: 25 - 27

2007-07-12T01:47:00.000-07:00

My aunt pulls strings like no one else does. Really. For this UK trip, I've enjoyed wonderful 5 star accomodation and it doesn't look to be ending anytime soon. In fact, when we decided impromptu to head to Reading for a while, she made some connections and not long after, we were cc-ed a copy of the letter sent to the manager at the Reading hotel. Not only were we given a room at let's just say very good rates, there was also an added paragraph at the bottom detailing my aunt's background and to accord her and the family with VIP status.

Why am I telling all these?

It's because I also know that in 2 weeks time, rather than staying in a 5 star hotel costing £200+ a night, I'll be staying in a 3 euro a night room with who knows what kinda conditions to expect. I suppose a non leaking roof would be considered a luxury.

I spoke to Cally briefly whilst I was on transit in Dubai and one of the things he asked me was what I was expecting to gain out of this pilgrimage, or something to that effect. I was writing my previous blog entry at that time so naturally, I gave him my Que Sera Sera answer. However, perhaps there's slightly more to it which requires a some articulation.

Those close to me would know the situation I'm in now career wise. 2:2 but with a good offer from a law firm as a paralegal. It is likely that I'll take up the offer upon my return to Singapore, but many things of course plays on my mind.

1. Still very much haunted my results. I know I should let it go and move on but time and time again, I think back on how I've been let down by a university bent only on sucking the money out of you. How for 3 years, I kept telling my tutor that I don't know where I'm going wrong and he just didn't bother to listen. A classic example of his attitude is how after my exams, I asked him what happened if things don't go well, if there's any way to repeat or something. In his reply email, he merely stated that it was too premature to talk about these things when results are not out yet. But when the results did come out and I asked him again, all he said was "no, there's no way to appeal or repeat" Like what the hell is that man? Couldn't you have said that from the start rather than go on and on about the whole "it's too premature" topic

2. Is this job offer the best for me? Do I really want to go into this area? And even if I do, is this an area I'll be able to excel in? Over breakfast yesterday, I asked my aunt what's the difference between a hedge fund and a unit trust and as she launched into a detailed explanation, I just let the words wash over me, not being able to pick up much from it.

3. And of course, there's the option of going to HK next year as well. Should I or should I not? And if I do, I'm required to take some additional modules before applying next year, where will I find the time to do these modules if I take up this job offer with the firm?

I think the answer to these questions is obvious.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matt 6:25-27

It's easier said than done though and I can only hope for the best.

Que Sera Sera

2007-07-08T19:55:00.001-07:00

It is a typical reaction in Singapore to be too engulfed with everything else as to neglect my blog or easyjournal. It is also the reason why on saturday afternoon as I took the bus home from queensway, I had a sudden panic attack regarding how ill equipped I am for my hike.

I've bought some stuff so far, boots, backpack and even a new pair of oakleys which I must say is quite a splurge. I also borrowed one of those drinking pack things from Les and got light sticks and army ration from Gil. Apart from that, I've got nothing else.

So when my panic attack struck, I hopped off the bus, and walked towards army market just to browse through and see if there's anything I left out. Compass? Flashlight? Hat? Knife? But as a perusing through the wide range of stuff at army market, I managed to convince myself I was being a little over dramatic. C'mon man, it's a hike that people have been doing for centuries and if they can survive with a stick and a clam shell, I don't see why I can't. Just to validate my army market venture, I bought a carabina anyway, no idea what I'll use it for, but might come in handy in case I need to repel down a 1000m high cliff or something!

So this is it! In Dubai now on transit. Will be attending my graduation and touring UK a bit before embarking on my pilgrimage. Spiritually, I wish I was a little more prepared as well. Wished I had attended some weekday masses, said a few rosaries, read a little more about St James. But I think wahtever will be, will be. Que Sera Sera.

Preparation inertia

2007-06-11T12:34:00.000-07:00

I've read countless websites that says you need good hiking boots to complete the Camino. Granted I'm only doing the 100km one, I still think it makes good sense to go in a pair of sturdy boots rather than try to survive with trainers or my pair of Teva sandals. The common advice is also to not walk the Camino in a new pair of shoes but rather to "wear it in" and get it properly seasoned before attempting a long hike with it.

So although the Camino is more than a month away, I decided to get my boots as soon as possible. Headed down to Queensway today with Les, Gil and Apy to try get a pair but despite much searching, the lack of sizes and self imposed price constraints led to me leaving Queensway empty handed. Checked out a few backpacks as well and though I spotted a few that I rather like, I decided to do a price check first before committing myself to one.

So here's the situation. In order to be fully prepared when embarking on this Camino, I need to be prepared in 3 ways. Spritual, Logistical, Fitness.

Logistics: I'm evidently lacking behind in this area. No boots, no backpack, no sleeping bag (anyone wants to lend me a sleeping bag). All I have in preparation is a Lonely Planet book on Spain.
Fitness: A few runs have been done lately but I really should start doing 10km walks in Macritchie in preparation
Spiritual: I would really love to read up more about St James. Understand his spirtuality. And again, I'm nowhere near this.

The only thing I've done which remotely prepares me for the Camino is purchasing the aforementioned Tim Moore book. It does make for rather humourous reading and I've tabbed a few pages contained interesting anecdotes which I shall paintakingly type onto the blog to share with everyone.

For now, do enjoy this video summarising the Camino and Santiago De Compostela.

Naive me

2007-06-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

Another thing Rainer mentioned was that to get to Santiago De Compostela, you could choose either to walk this pilgrim route, otherwise known as the Camino, or you could simply take a train direct to the church. He knew about this from reading Tim Moore's book "Travels with My Donkey: One Man and His Ass on a Pilgrimage to Santiago"

Since I had a week to spare between my graduation ceremony and flying home, I figured I could take the pilgrim route and be back in London in time to fly back to Singapore.

How wrong and naive could I be. The original route of the Camino snakes through the northern part of Spain into France. It is 800km long and takes pilgrims about 4 weeks to travel. The path itself sounds fantastic, across the pyrenees and through a vast number of spanish towns, each with its own history and culture. Some also containing relics of various saints.

I'm however constrained by time and so I'm doing the minimal 100km required to receive the Cathedral's certificate of completion, the Compostela.
At the start of the pilgrimage, each pilgrim will be given a passport which we will have stamped along the way as we pass through each town. On arrival at Santiago De Compostela, if the stamps show that you have either a minimum of 100km on foot or 200km on bicycle, you'll be entitled to receive the Compostela. There will also be other benefits attached to the Compostela such as cheap lodgings, discounted airfare out of Santiago and discounted meals.

Of course the C9L2 Storeman/Clerk/Personal Assistant in me does not have a single clue how gruelling or easy this 100km may be. My more able NS friends have told me that it takes about an hr to cover 4km and so judging by that estimation, I'll need about 25 hrs of walking, which split over a 4 day period would mean 6-7 hrs of walking each day. And to add, in the middle of a hot spanish summer.

But in all honesty, the 100km walk itself does not concern me. Rather, what worries me is what I'll be missing out on by not doing the original 800km. A town where red wine flows from a tap? Sounds amazing...

In Rome, the urban myth is that when you toss a coin into the Trevi fountain, you guarantee your return to the eternal city. On my last trip there, I chose not to toss a coin in. Simply because I know no matter what happens, I'll definitely be going back to Rome and I don't need an urban legend to guarantee it.

Likewise, despite having not even embarked on the trip, I know I'll be returning some day to do the 800km route. For now, I'll contend myself with the 100km hor'deurves.

My Camino

2007-06-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

4 years ago, Rainer told me of a place in Spain called Santiago De Compostela. I was telling him about my pilgrimage to Rome in 2000 and he recommended Santiago as another place to make a pilgrimage to. As I listened to him describe Santiago, all I could think about was "there's no where in this world that could beat the sight of St Peter's" and then he said something that struck home.

"And they have this incense thing, that's hung to the ceiling and it swings across the whole church"

That was it. I was hooked. As much as a pilgrimage should be inspired by something more spiritual, I was just amazed with the idea of viewing such a phenomenom.

Somehow, in the 4 years that followed, I never really looked into the possiblity of going to Santiago De Compostela. Until now.

In the past few months, friends and fellow uni grads are making their summer travel plans. The graduating batch especially all want to sign off in style and so trips to Ibiza or a round europe trip have been planned. But nothing seemed to entice me. And then one random day studying in the library, I thought about Santiago De Compostela. This is exactly what I'm looking for.

I'm not looking for a reconnection with God as a lot of people like to dramatise it to be. To me, a relationship with God is something nurtured over a period of time, like any other relationship. I don't expect to make this pilgrimage and suddenly see a bright glow of light, be enlightened and raised up to heaven. But I do expect to understand a bit more of myself, of God's plan for me, of God's work throughout the world.

So this is it. My summer plan. Santiago De Compostela.