Big Law, Big Dreams

A little late in this posting...

Had a rather odd dream last night.

I was on my way to Big Law's office, the name of which shall remain anonymous. 


I had already secured a position there at Big Law and was going to start work there after I get called to the Bar at the end of the year. As I was walking there, it suddenly hit me that if I had already secured a place, then why on earth was I walking there. I knew I had an 11am appointment but if not for an interview, then what was it for? Or was it purely my imagination that I had an 11am appointment? I decided to wing it and just go there and say that I have an 11am appointment and see if the receptionist had anything on her records.


As I got into the lift, a partner and a senior associate entered the lift as well. Only thing was, they were not employees of Big Law but of the Firm! And I don't even have much contact with them to begin with so it was really weird that they should suddenly appear in my dreams. I panicked! I cannot let them know that I'm here for an interview!  I smiled politely at them and decided to let them approach the receptionist first and after they have been shown to their meeting room, I'll then approach their receptionist to check on that 11am appointment. Only thing was they kept hovering around the reception area and refused to leave. I too then had to hang around the recep area hoping they leave soon and that's when I awoke.

Walking to class this morning, I gave some thought to my dream. What was the significance of the 2 from the Firm preventing me from approaching the receptionist? Did I subconsciously feel like the Firm is preventing me from joining other firms? Or maybe that's the reason I give myself to justify my own sense of inertia?

Sometimes when I think of joining a Big Law firm, I question my own abilities. Am I smart enough? Am I willing to put in the hours? Then now at PLC, I see these eager-eyed mint condition graduates around me, ready to brave this new world of theirs and I wonder why I cannot take this challenge with an equal amount of blind faith. I don't mean to sound egoistic but each time I hear a stupid answer from them or better them at class, I wonder why I do not dare dream big, do not dare to take the plunge.

Perhaps it is a fear of rejection. I worry that firms might turn me down because of my 2:2. Perhaps it is my fear of failure. Having gotten mediocre A level results followed by a mediocre law degree, I've convinced myself that I am better being a big fish in a small pond.

Since writing the above post, I've received very disappointing news. Things did not work out and I have to reformulate my plan. The thought now is to give it a year. See what I can achieve within this year. Work my heart out and take on as many projects as possible. Then reassess and perhaps take the plunge for Big Law.