A little late in this posting...
Had a rather odd dream last night.
I was on my way to Big Law's office, the name of which shall remain anonymous.
I had already secured a position there at Big Law and was going to start work there after I get called to the Bar at the end of the year. As I was walking there, it suddenly hit me that if I had already secured a place, then why on earth was I walking there. I knew I had an 11am appointment but if not for an interview, then what was it for? Or was it purely my imagination that I had an 11am appointment? I decided to wing it and just go there and say that I have an 11am appointment and see if the receptionist had anything on her records.
As I got into the lift, a partner and a senior associate entered the lift as well. Only thing was, they were not employees of Big Law but of the Firm! And I don't even have much contact with them to begin with so it was really weird that they should suddenly appear in my dreams. I panicked! I cannot let them know that I'm here for an interview! I smiled politely at them and decided to let them approach the receptionist first and after they have been shown to their meeting room, I'll then approach their receptionist to check on that 11am appointment. Only thing was they kept hovering around the reception area and refused to leave. I too then had to hang around the recep area hoping they leave soon and that's when I awoke.
Walking to class this morning, I gave some thought to my dream. What was the significance of the 2 from the Firm preventing me from approaching the receptionist? Did I subconsciously feel like the Firm is preventing me from joining other firms? Or maybe that's the reason I give myself to justify my own sense of inertia?
Sometimes when I think of joining a Big Law firm, I question my own abilities. Am I smart enough? Am I willing to put in the hours? Then now at PLC, I see these eager-eyed mint condition graduates around me, ready to brave this new world of theirs and I wonder why I cannot take this challenge with an equal amount of blind faith. I don't mean to sound egoistic but each time I hear a stupid answer from them or better them at class, I wonder why I do not dare dream big, do not dare to take the plunge.
Perhaps it is a fear of rejection. I worry that firms might turn me down because of my 2:2. Perhaps it is my fear of failure. Having gotten mediocre A level results followed by a mediocre law degree, I've convinced myself that I am better being a big fish in a small pond.
Since writing the above post, I've received very disappointing news. Things did not work out and I have to reformulate my plan. The thought now is to give it a year. See what I can achieve within this year. Work my heart out and take on as many projects as possible. Then reassess and perhaps take the plunge for Big Law.
Monday, 30 August 2010
Fran & Me & the Road
So plan did not start off as well as expected. Woke up this morning at 11am instead so gym was out of the question.
Did manage to put my bike in order to go out for a little spin. Because it was my first in ages plus it was also a test for my ankle, I decided to take it a little easy. Just do a ride up to the Mandai Shell station and back.
However by the time I got to Mandai, I had it in my head that I could squeeze out a little more and so on the way back, I took a little loop around Gambas avenue to make it a nice 40km ride. It was nice to be out on the road again. Plenty of cyclists around tonight but as usual, everyone's a little anti-social, really wish people were nice enough to give a nice nod or smile as they pass. I was happy to just be out with Fran on the road once more. The bumps and slopes are all still familiar and well, forgive the pun but it's like riding a bike. *cue cheesy drum roll*
Only thing that marred the ride was a stupid cab driver who couldn't wait for me and instead decide to cut in front of me so that he can take an exit off the main road. Then he realised he didn't have space to make a complete lane change and so I had to swerve my bike around his backside to avoid a collision. I swung out my arm and made to smack his sideview mirror but alas, my cycling skills are still a little rusty and I missed. I take comfort in the fact that I probably gave him a proper fright nonetheless.
All knackered out now and so I'm gonna take the chance to get in bed and hope I fall asleep earlier than usual. Been doing 4am nights, probably a case of slight insomnia but I really need to get my bio clock set right once more.
Did manage to put my bike in order to go out for a little spin. Because it was my first in ages plus it was also a test for my ankle, I decided to take it a little easy. Just do a ride up to the Mandai Shell station and back.
However by the time I got to Mandai, I had it in my head that I could squeeze out a little more and so on the way back, I took a little loop around Gambas avenue to make it a nice 40km ride. It was nice to be out on the road again. Plenty of cyclists around tonight but as usual, everyone's a little anti-social, really wish people were nice enough to give a nice nod or smile as they pass. I was happy to just be out with Fran on the road once more. The bumps and slopes are all still familiar and well, forgive the pun but it's like riding a bike. *cue cheesy drum roll*
Only thing that marred the ride was a stupid cab driver who couldn't wait for me and instead decide to cut in front of me so that he can take an exit off the main road. Then he realised he didn't have space to make a complete lane change and so I had to swerve my bike around his backside to avoid a collision. I swung out my arm and made to smack his sideview mirror but alas, my cycling skills are still a little rusty and I missed. I take comfort in the fact that I probably gave him a proper fright nonetheless.
All knackered out now and so I'm gonna take the chance to get in bed and hope I fall asleep earlier than usual. Been doing 4am nights, probably a case of slight insomnia but I really need to get my bio clock set right once more.
Sunday, 29 August 2010
Inspired.
I don't deny that I quite like cyber-snooping.
Recently, I had a quick convo with a tutorial classmate. She was carrying an SIS bottle and I enquired as to whether she is a triathlete or something. She answered in the affirmative. I cyber snooped a little and found her blog. I love reading athlete's blog. Their struggles and discipline always so intriguing and motivating for me and this one was no different.
Reading it, I'm truly inspired.
Having been strucked down by my ankle injury 3 weeks ago, I've not had a chance to exercise whatsoever. My attempts at doing so stopped after I tried to do some yoga and ended up on the mat grimacing in pain. I've now come to realise that with my lack of exercise has also gone all other forms of discipline. To sleep on time, to study.
The time to get my life back in order has arrived. It's now or never. I need to power through and whatever ligaments that have been torned just means my ankle needs to be supported by stronger muscles.
Gonna go sleep now and hit the gym tomorrow morning. Will also do a cycle after tutorial tomorrow. It'll be my first cycle in a very very long time. Let's see if my cycling legs have completely abandoned me.
Till tomorrow.
Recently, I had a quick convo with a tutorial classmate. She was carrying an SIS bottle and I enquired as to whether she is a triathlete or something. She answered in the affirmative. I cyber snooped a little and found her blog. I love reading athlete's blog. Their struggles and discipline always so intriguing and motivating for me and this one was no different.
Reading it, I'm truly inspired.
Having been strucked down by my ankle injury 3 weeks ago, I've not had a chance to exercise whatsoever. My attempts at doing so stopped after I tried to do some yoga and ended up on the mat grimacing in pain. I've now come to realise that with my lack of exercise has also gone all other forms of discipline. To sleep on time, to study.
The time to get my life back in order has arrived. It's now or never. I need to power through and whatever ligaments that have been torned just means my ankle needs to be supported by stronger muscles.
Gonna go sleep now and hit the gym tomorrow morning. Will also do a cycle after tutorial tomorrow. It'll be my first cycle in a very very long time. Let's see if my cycling legs have completely abandoned me.
Till tomorrow.
Sunday, 15 August 2010
Same old Arsenal..
So given no one reads this blog, I'm free to write as I please about Arsenal without worry of turning my readers off.
We kicked off the start of the EPL season today with a visit to Anfield. Liz was packed as usual and there were too many fair-weather fans and imposters there for my liking. The one that really irritates the hell out of me are the fair-weather fans though. Like I told Ben, come February when we're battling for a Champions' League spot, these fans will disappear. A few of them came in late, had absolutely no sense of space and started crowding me and on a few occasions, nearly stepped on my pristine-white lacoste shoes! Fuckers!
The imposters are of course easy to spot. Couple of guys next to me talked on and on about Man U's chances of success this season and a few were spotted wearing Pool jerseys. I love the fact that Liz's crowd has always been very welcoming of opposition fans but sometimes, I really wonder why these people even bother showing up here. The ones that really get on my nerves are those that come in plain clothes. Refusing the declare their allegiance and then when the score swings their way, they suddenly cheer like there's no tomorrow because they know that the Arsenal fans will be too upset to give them shit. One like that was standing near me today and when Koscienly got sent off for a ridiculous 2nd yellow, he had the nerve to put up his hand to clap.
I was so pissed I aimed a venomous "Fuck off!" at him! He didn't dare look in my direction but he stopped clapping straight away.
A word has to be said about Liz itself. I love the place and am grateful to the owner, who's of course an Arsenal fan, for allowing us to convert this branch into a true Arsenal lair. But the decision not to serve ice-water really pisses me off. I got very annoyed when it was first explained to me that if I want water, I need to go to the bar and drink at the bar. And then today, I'm told that they have decided not to even serve ice water at the bar.
Overall. It's great to see the start of the EPL once again. I would have enjoyed it more if Arsenal had completed their transfer dealings and we have a full squad to kick off the season with. Now still in desperate need for one goalkeeper and one defender, I can't fully celebrate the start of the season with utmost optimism about winning the title. It will however be a close fight and if I thought last year was bad where 3-4 teams ding dong-ed at the top, this year might just be worse. This season's certainly not one for the faint-hearted. Nor the fair-weathered.
We kicked off the start of the EPL season today with a visit to Anfield. Liz was packed as usual and there were too many fair-weather fans and imposters there for my liking. The one that really irritates the hell out of me are the fair-weather fans though. Like I told Ben, come February when we're battling for a Champions' League spot, these fans will disappear. A few of them came in late, had absolutely no sense of space and started crowding me and on a few occasions, nearly stepped on my pristine-white lacoste shoes! Fuckers!
The imposters are of course easy to spot. Couple of guys next to me talked on and on about Man U's chances of success this season and a few were spotted wearing Pool jerseys. I love the fact that Liz's crowd has always been very welcoming of opposition fans but sometimes, I really wonder why these people even bother showing up here. The ones that really get on my nerves are those that come in plain clothes. Refusing the declare their allegiance and then when the score swings their way, they suddenly cheer like there's no tomorrow because they know that the Arsenal fans will be too upset to give them shit. One like that was standing near me today and when Koscienly got sent off for a ridiculous 2nd yellow, he had the nerve to put up his hand to clap.
I was so pissed I aimed a venomous "Fuck off!" at him! He didn't dare look in my direction but he stopped clapping straight away.
A word has to be said about Liz itself. I love the place and am grateful to the owner, who's of course an Arsenal fan, for allowing us to convert this branch into a true Arsenal lair. But the decision not to serve ice-water really pisses me off. I got very annoyed when it was first explained to me that if I want water, I need to go to the bar and drink at the bar. And then today, I'm told that they have decided not to even serve ice water at the bar.
Overall. It's great to see the start of the EPL once again. I would have enjoyed it more if Arsenal had completed their transfer dealings and we have a full squad to kick off the season with. Now still in desperate need for one goalkeeper and one defender, I can't fully celebrate the start of the season with utmost optimism about winning the title. It will however be a close fight and if I thought last year was bad where 3-4 teams ding dong-ed at the top, this year might just be worse. This season's certainly not one for the faint-hearted. Nor the fair-weathered.
Saturday, 7 August 2010
Promethean Flame
Today, my mum who embraces national pride like no other, the typical pre-65er excitedly informs me that the YOG torch was going to pass through our area. That led to much to-ing and fro-ing as she kept trying to get me to go down with her to, as she says, "support the torch".
Still feeling the effects of last night's football game, my body was screaming "no!". The filial son in me however was nagging and very VERY grudgingly, I agreed to go along.
A sense of nostalgia always hits me whenever I enter into RI. Turning into the parking lot, I subconsciously recall how this used to be the area where we would end up hitting stray shots into from the tennis courts. Walking through the main foyer, I can't help but think that this used to be just rickety benches and a row of vending machines. Looking at the humongous artificial pitch, I reminisce how we used to have to share the pathetic field with softballers whilst at all times keeping off lane 1 and 2 of the track as the athletes went sprinting by.
As I leaned against the railing to look down at the YOG mascots, a man came and stood next to me. He didn't see me but he looked familiar. "Mr L?" I thought to myself. I looked down at his waist where a security card dangled. I saw the familiar name printed on it "LNS". Ahh... our SEA games Judo bronze medalist. How the hell he held me in the grip on that train trip in China and how helpless I felt, I'll never forget that moment.
He walked away and joined up with another man in tinted glasses. "Mr E Ng!" Wow! The head of boarding in my time. In my progress report for PE, he ticked A for almost everything that was in there.. sporting ability, fitness etc etc. And then I spotted an "E" grade. It was for "Sportsmanship". He taught me physical education but as you can imagine, he taught me so much more than that. I wanted to say "hi" but I was not in the most sociable mood so I let it slide and since he didn't spot me, I moved along.
After watching the YOG torch go by, we turned to walk towards the car. Just then, another familiar face walked past me. "Was that Ms Chia?" I asked my mum. My mum said it wasn't but at my insistence, she said "Try lah, go say hi"
"Are you Ms Chia?", I asked.
"No. I'm Ms Tan" came the reply. "I get that a lot. You are referring to Ms Chia T P?"
"Yes"
"You're an old boy? You were a boarder? You boarded at Morrison House"
I smiled at that quick fire series of questions and said yes to all the questions.
"Ms Chia is in HK now" she said, smiled and then went on her way.
We crossed the driveway over to the car and suddenly someone stands right in the middle of my path and thrusts his hand out waiting for me to shake it. I was so happy. It was Mr Ng. We exchanged pleasantries, he of course asked what I'm doing now and I enquired about whether he attended the 10 year batch reunion last year. I wish I had more to say to him. To thank him for teaching me a valuable lesson in life. But that would probably have been foolish and rather awkward.
12 years has passed since I left RI. All these wonderful human beings continue to serve the school in their own capacity. At this juncture where having been with the Firm for 3 years, I'm already considering my loyalty. These people show me what true loyalty means. True stalwarts of the school. True Rafflesians.
As the YOG flame fleetingly passes through the RI today. Another flame burns brighter. Promethean Flame. And these are my true torch bearers.
Still feeling the effects of last night's football game, my body was screaming "no!". The filial son in me however was nagging and very VERY grudgingly, I agreed to go along.
A sense of nostalgia always hits me whenever I enter into RI. Turning into the parking lot, I subconsciously recall how this used to be the area where we would end up hitting stray shots into from the tennis courts. Walking through the main foyer, I can't help but think that this used to be just rickety benches and a row of vending machines. Looking at the humongous artificial pitch, I reminisce how we used to have to share the pathetic field with softballers whilst at all times keeping off lane 1 and 2 of the track as the athletes went sprinting by.
As I leaned against the railing to look down at the YOG mascots, a man came and stood next to me. He didn't see me but he looked familiar. "Mr L?" I thought to myself. I looked down at his waist where a security card dangled. I saw the familiar name printed on it "LNS". Ahh... our SEA games Judo bronze medalist. How the hell he held me in the grip on that train trip in China and how helpless I felt, I'll never forget that moment.
He walked away and joined up with another man in tinted glasses. "Mr E Ng!" Wow! The head of boarding in my time. In my progress report for PE, he ticked A for almost everything that was in there.. sporting ability, fitness etc etc. And then I spotted an "E" grade. It was for "Sportsmanship". He taught me physical education but as you can imagine, he taught me so much more than that. I wanted to say "hi" but I was not in the most sociable mood so I let it slide and since he didn't spot me, I moved along.
After watching the YOG torch go by, we turned to walk towards the car. Just then, another familiar face walked past me. "Was that Ms Chia?" I asked my mum. My mum said it wasn't but at my insistence, she said "Try lah, go say hi"
"Are you Ms Chia?", I asked.
"No. I'm Ms Tan" came the reply. "I get that a lot. You are referring to Ms Chia T P?"
"Yes"
"You're an old boy? You were a boarder? You boarded at Morrison House"
I smiled at that quick fire series of questions and said yes to all the questions.
"Ms Chia is in HK now" she said, smiled and then went on her way.
We crossed the driveway over to the car and suddenly someone stands right in the middle of my path and thrusts his hand out waiting for me to shake it. I was so happy. It was Mr Ng. We exchanged pleasantries, he of course asked what I'm doing now and I enquired about whether he attended the 10 year batch reunion last year. I wish I had more to say to him. To thank him for teaching me a valuable lesson in life. But that would probably have been foolish and rather awkward.
12 years has passed since I left RI. All these wonderful human beings continue to serve the school in their own capacity. At this juncture where having been with the Firm for 3 years, I'm already considering my loyalty. These people show me what true loyalty means. True stalwarts of the school. True Rafflesians.
As the YOG flame fleetingly passes through the RI today. Another flame burns brighter. Promethean Flame. And these are my true torch bearers.
Thursday, 5 August 2010
An odd kinda friendship..
Today CL was telling me about this couple in Singapore who chronicles their sex lives on a blog to rather disgusting effect..
CL said: "The blog's called '(I can't remember the name now)'. If you don't remember, you can check it out on my FB wall. M posted it on my wall"
She forgot that she edited her privacy settings in relation to me. She doesn't know I know.
I just smiled and said "No thanks.." and made some joke about how it all sounds rather gross..
You're a really nice girl and I love hanging out with you. But sometimes you can be so careless with other's feelings. I take it as some odd kinda ditziness and there are times when I find in endearing. Friends warn me otherwise. And it is for that reason that I will and continue to learn to keep you at arm's length.
CL said: "The blog's called '(I can't remember the name now)'. If you don't remember, you can check it out on my FB wall. M posted it on my wall"
She forgot that she edited her privacy settings in relation to me. She doesn't know I know.
I just smiled and said "No thanks.." and made some joke about how it all sounds rather gross..
You're a really nice girl and I love hanging out with you. But sometimes you can be so careless with other's feelings. I take it as some odd kinda ditziness and there are times when I find in endearing. Friends warn me otherwise. And it is for that reason that I will and continue to learn to keep you at arm's length.
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
Spending time with Mummy..
On one of those rare moments that Easyjournal was working, I read through some old entries of mine and came across the entry on my mum. Reading it, I realised I regressed on some actions plans I've made for myself. The biggest example of which is not sitting down to have meals with her and instead bringing it to my room so that I can sit in front of the tv or the laptop.
So I've since started trying to make it a point to eat with her as often as I can.
Today, we finally managed to sync our schedules and I brought her to Santouka Ramen. I love Santouka and that's saying a lot considering 4 years ago, I grouped Ramen in the same category as maggi mee. So it was a pleasure to finally share this wonderful meal with my mum.
It didn't start off well as she had trouble finding the restaurant and I was getting aggitated coz it was our turn next and they have a strict policy of only seating you when your entire party has arrived.
In any case, she made it just in time and after the food was served and we tucked in, all anger and animosity was forgotten. I think she found the ramen a little too salty but overall, she enjoyed it. We then went down to the Hokkaido japanese ice-cream parlour downstairs and she was so happy when she saw that they had a Green Tea Red Bean flavour. "That's my 2 favourite flavours combined!" she later remarked.
We each our ice cream and took a walk through Clarke Quay as she marvelled at how much Clarke Quay has truly changed.
Then we passed by Nectarie and I told her how they have such a terrible policy of not serving ice water and how V once took out her water bottle to drink and they actually had the nerve to ask her to keep it. Then mum being mum seized upon the opportunity and said "Do you think you'll get back together with her?"
I shrugged and gave a "don't know lah!" answer, hoping that she leave it as that.
"She knows you broke up not?"
"Yea, think she knows"
"Then just wait lor, see if she'll call"
Later that evening, I took a long 13km run. It gave me plenty of time to let my mind wander and I thought about what my mum said. I think my previous entry has pretty much spelled out what I feel about getting together with V, the long and short of it being I'm so messed up and confused I really don't know if I want to.
Does mum really know best? In that last sentence, has she cut through all the bullshit and think that she knows pretty well what her son wants?
After our walk around Clarke Quay, we sat down by the river in front of Central. She then repeated her story about how my dad and her met. How they broke up and then my dad chased her again and the rest is history. Has my destiny already been written for me?
So I've since started trying to make it a point to eat with her as often as I can.
Today, we finally managed to sync our schedules and I brought her to Santouka Ramen. I love Santouka and that's saying a lot considering 4 years ago, I grouped Ramen in the same category as maggi mee. So it was a pleasure to finally share this wonderful meal with my mum.
It didn't start off well as she had trouble finding the restaurant and I was getting aggitated coz it was our turn next and they have a strict policy of only seating you when your entire party has arrived.
In any case, she made it just in time and after the food was served and we tucked in, all anger and animosity was forgotten. I think she found the ramen a little too salty but overall, she enjoyed it. We then went down to the Hokkaido japanese ice-cream parlour downstairs and she was so happy when she saw that they had a Green Tea Red Bean flavour. "That's my 2 favourite flavours combined!" she later remarked.
We each our ice cream and took a walk through Clarke Quay as she marvelled at how much Clarke Quay has truly changed.
Then we passed by Nectarie and I told her how they have such a terrible policy of not serving ice water and how V once took out her water bottle to drink and they actually had the nerve to ask her to keep it. Then mum being mum seized upon the opportunity and said "Do you think you'll get back together with her?"
I shrugged and gave a "don't know lah!" answer, hoping that she leave it as that.
"She knows you broke up not?"
"Yea, think she knows"
"Then just wait lor, see if she'll call"
Later that evening, I took a long 13km run. It gave me plenty of time to let my mind wander and I thought about what my mum said. I think my previous entry has pretty much spelled out what I feel about getting together with V, the long and short of it being I'm so messed up and confused I really don't know if I want to.
Does mum really know best? In that last sentence, has she cut through all the bullshit and think that she knows pretty well what her son wants?
After our walk around Clarke Quay, we sat down by the river in front of Central. She then repeated her story about how my dad and her met. How they broke up and then my dad chased her again and the rest is history. Has my destiny already been written for me?
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